The Dick Show - Episode 356 - Dick on Vito's Merch Transcript and Discussion (2024)

Comedy

Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm the ghost of me. Did you die? Did you die over the weekend? Yes. We're resuscitated. We're resuscitated. Let me see. Ending stream.

Starting point is 00:00:20 Is that the real who are these podcasts? No. I don't know how to tell if it's real. It makes, YouTube makes it so difficult to, I think it is real. Carlyze, 20,000 subscribes. God damn. God damn.

Starting point is 00:00:36 He doesn't regularly get his channel band, I don't think, does he? Hey, why don't you watch, why don't you watch your mouth? You're right. YouTube's never but your bread and butter. That's it? No, I came up on them. 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Sure. I can't believe Sam hides on there. Oh, you know what? Get in with it. Yeah. For now. I mean, he's had to be there like the number one streamer. I don't know. I don't think so. I think he's like really tried

Starting point is 00:01:07 what walks the line. I think. Huh. I don't know. I'm not familiar enough with his stuff. You should be. I mean, I know inventing the game. I know he's controversial. So I figured you two would have booted him off long ago. God, I way too much spaghetti. Way too much spaghetti. Very comfortable. Oh man, you're reminding me of Tony and Vito. Tony and Vito? Italian, I got that just a Vito f*cked, or Tony f*cked Vito over so hard. Really? Is Vito's f*cking spaghetti or?

Starting point is 00:01:38 Oh yeah. Tony ate Vito's spaghetti, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, one of those. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Do I sound okay? Yeah. I feel a little,, you're one of those. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, so I sound okay. Yeah. I feel a little of my throw feels a little rough. Okay, so we just got back from road ray or TDS road rage.

Starting point is 00:01:52 Philly, I thought doing a show the day that you got back a couple hours after you got back from Philly would be ambitious, but here you are. I am. Here you are. So I'm not going to let my overstuffed belly full of spaghetti. You know, I should get a shot or something to power me through this. Shouldn't I? I mean, my weight is is listening. Did you get your thank you for not killing yourself?

Starting point is 00:02:15 I did. From proof. Yes. Thank you very much. Thank you for not killing yourself with the venerable praying hands clip art that he gave it to my girlfriend and said, I don't trust dick to get this back to Sean. So I'm giving it to you. Good call. Yeah, minus personalized. f*ck thank everybody for not killing yourself. Cuz it f*cking road rages. You never know. Man. I mean, I guess we have to explicitly state it because because of, you know, times. Yeah, I can't handle another lost patron. No. Losing too many shows, the biggest problem

Starting point is 00:02:49 that f*cking show, cannibalizing this show. I can't lose another one. Is it? We need more. We need to get back up. We need to get back up to 20. I don't care what it takes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:59 I'll post a picture of my co*ck. Ooh. If we get over 20. Really? My actual, well, I'll post a picture of my, yeah, lower than that. These are dark days for us, Sean. Yeah. I might have to lose some weight. Not again, I might have to miss a few meals, Sean. Yeah. I might have to move into a little box. Like when digital downloads became a thing, like the enormous producers had to like not put in,

Starting point is 00:03:28 you know, flagstone around their custom pools, you know. It was- Not my core budget, it's gone. Oh, it might have been my dream, my whole life. Look at this medallion of manliness I got. The Bugatti had to choose the Ferrari or the Bugatti. God, look at this medallion of manliness that I got. Me and Vito got them at the show, isn't that?

Starting point is 00:03:48 That's cool. That's a really f*cking cool. Who made those? Cool, I forget how f*ck. That is some high quality sh*t. Yeah, Corrigan made it. Really? Really?

Starting point is 00:03:59 Um, made them. Billy Corrigan. Billy Corrigan. Billy Corrigan, yeah. Corrigan, the guy who draws shonys. Yes. You picked up your shonys yet for only $1. At shonys.art, you can use your credit card.

Starting point is 00:04:12 So, and you can use Matic. They're $1 a piece. Matic. And people are angry about that. Did they're a dollar? Yeah, I wouldn't pay a dollar for me. Well, you could get a carol. Real a Nick.

Starting point is 00:04:24 Is there anything for a car? Or a car, oh, you. Well, pay something for you could get a car. Oh, I'm Nick. Is there anything for a car or a job? Oh, you might have to pay something for a neck. Maybe if, you know, people pay big bucks to meet Carl. That f*cking bastard. Okay, I got it. Do you know, I would feel like that is so f*cking crass. Like, who the f*ck? How the f*ck could I charge extra for somebody to meet me? Okay, I know I'm not the, I know I'm not the name of a show. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not throwing shade.

Starting point is 00:04:53 I understand it. Every, I, every comedy, every like comedy seems to do it. We've never done it because I feel the same way as you do. Like I can't do that. It's a personal thing. I'll just charge way more for tickets. Like whatever I want, the difference is I'm averaging it way as you do. Like I can't do that. It's a personal thing. I'll just charge way more for tickets. Like whatever I want, the difference is, I'm averaging it and charging them tickets.

Starting point is 00:05:08 Well, that's it. Somebody would say, somebody would say, that's stupid for not monetizing. Well, you know, you have, you know, Diego always wanted to do that. I'm like, I just can't, man. I can't do it. It just doesn't feel right to me.

Starting point is 00:05:18 But so this time we did it, the show was great. I hope the show was great. It was interesting because it's two different shows. And you know, my style of not planning it all. Yeah. And Carl's style of like planning. Right. It's like a well oiled machine. Well oiled machine. I said alarms. So I wouldn't go over my time. Um, the meat and greet, uh, the bar was closed. And this happened. The f*cking Saturday. No, right before the show. Oh, and they scheduled the meeting group. And the bar was closed.

Starting point is 00:05:49 Like, you know that. Well, why? I don't know. I don't know whose toes I'm stepping on, but like the fact that they've scheduled a f*cking meet and greet and then have a guy sitting back there like, you know how, you know how

Starting point is 00:06:02 they just like busy themselves behind a bar and don't really do anything like they're emptying out ice tracers. The video. The venue. Oh, okay. I'm so everyone's sitting around kind of like, like, like, gnashing teeth and like, gradually crawling toward the bar. Like, okay, so hey, buddy, let's go.

Starting point is 00:06:22 It's like, you said 530 and it's 5.31 right now. Let's start pouring. Yeah, this was all set up with the venue. Think so. Do they hire outside bartenders and head sessions people? I told them to get another bartender and then we get there and he goes, oh yeah, bartender got wage-capped.

Starting point is 00:06:43 So we actually have even left. Yeah, I don't think you know the show that you're dealing with. And then the security guard weirdly yelled, like yelled at my girlfriend and Nick's wife for covering up the sh*t at the merch table and going into watch the show. He's like, you guys gotta be out here.

Starting point is 00:06:59 I can't watch this merch table. It's like, bro, he's probably yelled at for if people get their sh*t ripped off. I bro, he's probably yelled out for f*cking sh*t ripped off. I mean, it's not his. Yeah, no, I know. He has no. Probably thinks it'll be, he'll be blamed. Your security. And then so they go out there and like, I mean, all right, we would like to watch the show. And he goes, walks over there. Oh, so how you enjoying the show? I'm why was. Yeah, what was great. But aside from those two things, I think it went great. Yeah, I'm not going to great. Mani killed it. Who's Mani? Mani. I don't know. I don't know if you

Starting point is 00:07:33 you might remember him. You would remember him if you saw him. I posted a video of him. He was here. He's been at a bunch of shows. He did. he's a listener. He's a listener, yeah. He just emailed at the last minute, can I do some stand up? Really? He said, yeah, sure. Thinking it would be horrible. And then everyone would just make fun of it.

Starting point is 00:07:55 And he killed it. He killed it. Wow. He had a whole song where he replaced Akuna Matata. He said it means no hand words. He's black. Yeah, so it's funny. Why don't we have him call him?

Starting point is 00:08:10 Okay. I want to sing the song with him. I know, I want to hear some stand up. It was good. He killed it. He got a chant going. He did a victory lap. But here's how Tony ate Vito's spaghetti.

Starting point is 00:08:23 I drink your milkshake. Bones episode up. Bones episode up for this show. Right now, patreon.com slash the dick show. We read half of Kevin Landau's, not even half. Oh God. His arbitration thing that he sent against me. Kevin dude wears my car landow. His back where he's trying to get the domain name, Kevinaylandow.com. I mean, even he gets

Starting point is 00:08:54 it like any listener of the show could just set up like Kevin landow lawyer.com or Kevin landow worse lawyer.net or any domain name and prop up, prop it up with the same content. I don't think he realizes that. No, well, even if he gets, even if he swindles the domain name away from whomever has it through this series of litigation fraudulent and abusive legal manipulations that he's doing, trying to abuse the copyright system and the trademark system. It's so stupid to the arguments. What do you say that I'm not a lawyer, but yeah, yeah, he said it's a confusing the brand

Starting point is 00:09:39 of his brand, his trademark, Kevin Landau. Well, and the domain holder has not tried to monetize it in any way. So it's clearly not using it. What an asshole. Whatever, I hope he doesn't get it. But if he does, I mean, someone could just easily... They could do it now. You could entirely cover his whole first name page with sh*tty lawyer.

Starting point is 00:10:00 World's worst f*cking lawyer. World's lawyer in the world. Right. As a DUI, had a f*cking interlock device on his car. Yeah. All of these things are rape stocks. That may not be factually accurate. Come for a little asterisk, but I get it.

Starting point is 00:10:16 Right. That one could be a different Kevin Landau. This is not Kevin Landau, the attorney. Well, and the page also says explicitly not Kevin Landau of another one. Yeah. Yeah. He's a great guy. So Tony Vito shipped like two boxes of merch to himself.

Starting point is 00:10:34 Yeah. To Tony and Philly. Oh boy. Thinking that he would pick it up and sell it at the show. It's a Italian f*ckery going on. Oh yeah, this is. Yeah. This is why this is why the mafia was so big.

Starting point is 00:10:44 Yeah. Just to pick up the trash. They need about 80 Italians to threaten to kill one another. going on. Oh, yeah, this is, yeah, this is why, this is why the mafia was so big. Yeah, it's to pick up the trash. They need about 80 Italians to threaten to kill one another all the time. For some of that garbage, you got the goal. Oh, I mean, I got the goal over here. New York City garbage strike. Yeah. Me and Tino and fat Lisa are gonna go over the later and pick up the garbage. And then they go find another Italian. Hey, did you go pick up the garbage? So needless to say, the garbage strike in the 80s that was my, I think it was,

Starting point is 00:11:08 it was on accident by accident that they did that. Well, I think the Gambinos ran the garbage in New York City. Yeah. And it started to, you know, in New York City, I think they pick it up twice a week. That's how, you know, like round here, it's once a week, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Most of LA, but it's so, you know, it's so crazy New York City, it's twice a week. And so the garbage hadn't been picked up for like three weeks or something like that. And I think, I think it was Paul Castelano who was the, who was the boss of the Gambino family. Yeah. I think it was run by a guy named Jimmy Fyla was the, was the guy who ran the union. He said, we're not f*cking animals.

Starting point is 00:11:41 Pick this sh*t up. Like it was like, it was just, because he's got a drive around New York City looking at this sh*t. So it was like, that solved itself. How many Italians do we have attached to this show? You, Tony, Vito, Italian twice removed, I think, for me. Yeah. Those guys have the name. Um, so Vito sends two boxes of his merch out to Tony in Philadelphia, but instead of sending

Starting point is 00:12:06 it to his house, he sends it to Tony's PO box. And then Tony waits until Saturday to pick it up. And Vito just didn't want to pick it up, I think it was way out of town, but his PO box was closed on Saturday. Oh God. All right. So he doesn't not any merge. So of course, Vito is not going to let a opportunity to sell merch go by, right? Even though he doesn't have any, he's

Starting point is 00:12:37 not going to squander this opportunity to sell merch. So he makes Mint get a stack of white t-shirts and then draw his super killer logo on all of them. Let me see if I can. Let me see if I can. It's this. So, this is Vito's merch that he's selling at the show. Why does that look like something that a KKK member would wear? It really does.

Starting point is 00:12:59 That logo on that white shirt. It totally does. It looks exactly like the KKK. Totally does. Jesus Christ, Vito. Ha ha ha. As you know, it says Vito's merch. So of course, it's so meta and ironic and sh*tty.

Starting point is 00:13:19 It's selling like hot cakes, right? I was gonna sell my soul, though. Motherf*cker, right? Charlie Blasch. I was so jealous. soul, motherf*cker. Right? Charlie Bliss. I was so jealous. Um, anyways, let's start the show. You know sh*tty those shirts are too. Oh sh*t, oh sh*t, I f*cked up again.

Starting point is 00:13:34 Oh sh*t. I'm a mess right now. I'm still trying to figure out where all my stuff went. I got a bunch of good stuff. What do you, what do you say? Do those shirts come prewashed 500 times. Look at that, you can see right through them. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:47 Was this shirt used? Where did the white shirts come from? That's what I wanted, all right. Hey! Yeah! Oh God, a gross bubble in my throat. Welcome to Dick. You want Dicky, need to get you my throat. Welcome to Dick.

Starting point is 00:14:05 You want Dickie, need to get you, you got eggs. It's the only show where every contest coming you live from Mount and Bunker deep in the hottest city of failure on your house. Take my asses and aegas, it's $20 million, man. Joining me is always rested, having not flown at all today. We're done. We're done any kind of show at all.

Starting point is 00:14:20 Showing the audio engineer, we're touring. Welcome back, Dick. You made it. I am impressed. How much foam, were you dying of the whole time, we're touring. Welcome back. Yeah, can you make it? I am impressed. How much foam, were you dying of the whole time, FOMO? A lot. A little bit, yeah. A little bit.

Starting point is 00:14:32 Okay, I'll take a little bit. A little bit. Because it's an honest little bit. Yeah, you could lie and say a lot and I would be disappointed in you. No, I have enjoyed every show we've done. Mm-hmm. That I've done. I can honestly say that.

Starting point is 00:14:46 I really didn't think I would, because I'm not that big a, you know, like, but it's, you hate people, you hate fans. Why would you enjoy it? No, I really, I don't. It's always, I always have a good time. Yeah. You know, Philly is, you get heckled eating lunch in Philly.

Starting point is 00:15:04 Yeah, I know. They boot Santa Claus, right? I mean, yeah, we're standing in line for some cheese steak that this other moron told us to go to that we were dumb for going to Geno's and he's like, go to this place. There's like, they're adjacent. He's like, don't go to that one. Go to this other place. People are f*cking crazy about that sh*t. Like, so we go to the other place and there's an hour of weight in line.

Starting point is 00:15:25 So we like, all right, we wait in line. And as we're waiting in line, this asshole when a truck drives by and goes, and not even like to us, but kind of just to himself, but loud enough so that everyone can, it's that specific tone and volume that everyone in Philly talks with, he goes, it ain't that f*cking good. Look at that line, it ain't that f*cking good. My body, you're all dipsh*t. Thanks a lot, Asshole.

Starting point is 00:15:49 I get least I was telling myself, maybe it would be this good. And do you know, for sure that it's not this good? I mean, he's probably eating there, but. And no, he doesn't know, because it was that good. It was good. Yeah, it was that good.

Starting point is 00:16:01 No, is it the cheese spread that they use? I don't know. Is some kind of copper or something. I was so hungry, and tired, because I made this wait until noon to go eat, and then we were like, oh, wow, the lines an hour long, and then we got to the front of the line. They said that was the pickup line.

Starting point is 00:16:18 Oh, the ordering line is right there. There's no line. And then you have to go wait in the pickup line, and when you get to the front, your thing's not ready, so you just go wait outside. It's the most, for a city full of assholes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:31 It was like the most retarded system that I've ever heard. So no, they take your order right away. Mm-hmm. Then you wait in the pickup line and they're way behind. Yes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:42 So you could be waiting in line. It could be ready. There's no telling. Everyone inside is freaking out because their system is dumb. How many options does a place like that have? Because I feel like a million. Yeah. I think that would slow that down. That would be a problem. Right. Yes. They've got Philly. They've got Philly Cheesakes. They've got pizzas. Then you can get a hogey. Yeah. So if you want to wait an hour for a hogey, it was great though. Go. We almost missed the flight there. First, I was

Starting point is 00:17:09 frantically de-drugging my luggage. Oh yeah, sure. Because we just went to Vegas, was a drive. I got a f*cking pharmacy like here in Lothian, my computer. I'm going through every pack of cigarettes like, yep, acid. Altoid acid, altoid acid. Yeah, okay, what's in here? Oh yeah, that's multiple felonies. All right. I still didn't get everything. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:33 We got to the Airbnb and I was like, f*ck. I don't know how did I get through the airport? Because they're really bad at it. Yeah, for the most part. Yeah. Um, so we're going there and my, I don't know, I don't think this is all women thing, but my girlfriend has this funny trick

Starting point is 00:17:52 where for some reason she, for some reason, she got our parking reservation, right? And then they get the confirmation email, right? And it has a button like get directions for the Airbnb. For the, no, for the parking, for the airport parking in LA. Oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, say, hey, how much is parking for like a weekend? So it's, okay, we're gonna, Uber is half that. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:18:26 Yeah. So you're gonna, and then when you come back, we're gonna, it's gonna be 60% of that. That's really f*cked these guys over. I got it. All right. So you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna overpay, yeah. Go ahead and raise your price.

Starting point is 00:18:35 It doesn't matter. We'll just raise ours. They got, I mean, they have no choice. What are they gonna do? So, she doesn't, on her phone's all, like every time I use her phone, I'm like, why doesn't it work? Like, why does when I click on buttons, it doesn't load up the maps,

Starting point is 00:18:50 loading like Google maps in the browser? What did you do to this thing? Well, how many apps are open? It was last restarted three and a half years ago probably. No, she clears all the apps. It drives me, every time I'm like, you don't have to delete those apps by swiping out, they don't take any life.

Starting point is 00:19:06 No, no, no, I don't. I don't stop doing it. Because I go, I know, I know, and then she'll hide it. I'm like, oh, yeah, f*ck you, I gotta, I gotta clear these apps out. But it also doesn't take any time to open them. Unless they have to re-download them because they tried to save space or something like that.

Starting point is 00:19:21 No, it's just swiping them up. So they're not in that list when you go through. No, no, I understand. I understand, but it's like if they're, it doesn't take any time to reopen on me either. Yeah, so we're late already very late. And she clicks on the button, or she goes to her directions and she's like,

Starting point is 00:19:41 well, I did the directions and it's saying a different time than what you're saying. I said, well, that's odd. Must be my fault. I must have slapped Dick something, right? And clicked on the wrong parking lot. What is the address? She reads the address from the verification.

Starting point is 00:19:54 It's like, it says they moved and here's the address. So I'm like, okay. Put in the parking lot. Yeah, the parking lot. I put in the parking lot address. Yeah. Sure enough, it gives me a new time. All right. Well, here we go. We're cutting it close, right?

Starting point is 00:20:07 Because then we've got to take the shuttle and do all of a sudden. Yeah. We should get to the address. And it's the middle of the movie Friday. No parking lot inside suburbs in Inglewood or wherever the f*ck it is. The houses from where like, I go, what the f*ck it is, the house is from, we're like, I go, what the f*ck? Like the parking garage is like a monolith, like a mile long monolith.

Starting point is 00:20:31 Also, it is the parking garage. No, it's not. I go back in the email and click the button. It's at the address. It's sentry, but a f*cking trick address. What? They had the wrong f*cking address in the email, but the right one if you click the button.

Starting point is 00:20:46 Oh, what? So it's like a little prank, a nice little prank for, a nice little airport prank. So if you just look at it, you're like, oh, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if you click it, it takes, but if you click it, it goes to the right one. Well, that's fun.

Starting point is 00:20:59 Go, okay. So we go there an hour. Now we're rushing in panic, which I hate. Yeah, I know, yeah. At this point, rushing in panic, which I hate being right now. Yeah. And at this point, I'm just like, I'm just gonna be an asshole. No, when I'm panic now, I'm too old for this. No, I have sh*t.

Starting point is 00:21:12 Yeah, I'm just gonna turn into my dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get the shuttle and it's this 70 year old black guy who insists on unloading all of everyone's luggage in every stop. Right. So it's like one sub- who insists on unloading all of everyone's luggage at every stop, right? So it's like one Subtitanarian unloading another Octogenarians luggage at every f*cking stop. Yeah, it takes every terminal to oh my god, man

Starting point is 00:21:40 Yeah, I just f*cking I go redder is I'm back there when they're back there Yeah, I got my sh*t don't worry about it. back there when they're back there. I got my sh*t Don't worry about it get hers. She'll f*ck around for a while doing man. Go drive the goddamn bus. Yeah They have something They have something really devious at the Philly Airport as well. Yeah, I'm trying to remember the Philly Airport It's probably all new since we've been. It's been seven years. You remember? I've been, yeah, but I've been there another time or two as well.

Starting point is 00:22:10 You have a life outside of me. It was, I think it was going to, I think for whatever reason I had to fly there a couple of times ago to upstate New York. Yeah. I think so, yeah. Yeah. At least one time I can remember. They have probably this work.

Starting point is 00:22:23 I've got shoes put in the f*cking bomb detector thing. Oh, how'd that go? Do you have any bombs in them? I didn't. They were very disappointed. They have the worst thing ever invented, which is a mirror in the men's urinal, like right in front of your face.

Starting point is 00:22:39 Yeah. I don't know if you've ever wanted to just like stare at yourself while you're taking a gun. But I don't want to just've ever wanted to just like stare at yourself while you're taking that I don't want to just look so you find yourself not looking at yourself, but you have to like be hyper aware of your peripheral vision. So all I see is guys jiggling their dicks, you know, well, I either have a choice of locking eyes with myself. And I look, so I look bloated and hung over like a corpse, or I can stare at other men's penises out of the corners of my eyes. Wait, so you can see the mirror is just like a strip, right?

Starting point is 00:23:18 Right in front of your face. Everyone's face. So as you go further out, you can see more. Yeah, but what you really see is over that little barrier, you just see like flashes of wiener and piss. All right, well, I guess I'm just going to, I'm just going to really concentrate really hard on how ugly I look right now. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:38 So I don't see any of these guys limp wieners being an awesome just a a tile, just enough, like a, what, yeah, bank, that's what I wanna, I just wanna f*cking zone out, like a 3D eye poster, that's what I need at a urinal. It's totally unfocused. I can't tell the difference between penis, wrist, flesh, not something that I'm actively trying to avoid.

Starting point is 00:24:01 Yeah. Anyway, is that so that you can see somebody, it's like an ATM or something? You can, you can see somebody coming up to rape you. You think that's why? I have no idea. I think they got a lot of that. I think it's something sick, f*cking sense of humor. Probably all this gay beer going around.

Starting point is 00:24:17 Could be. That's happening more and more now. Yeah, it's a f*cking, it's, it's an epidemic. They gave that lady a vacation. The gay beer lady, the lady that sent that gay man, woman, a beer of himself, one beer with his face printed on it, like probably we shrink wrapped, right? Nothing. Right.

Starting point is 00:24:39 The dumbest, nothing that's ever been in the history of nothing. I don't call it nothing, dude. They gave her a vacation. A paid vacation. Yeah, and all the conservatives are now like celebrating. that's ever been in the history of nothing. I don't call it nothing, dude. They gave her a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a big, a big, big, a them. Right. And if there's one thing young, new drinkers love, it's things that old losers online hate. There you go. Like their boomer dads pretending, talking about being a dad all day online

Starting point is 00:25:14 and how important Jesus Christ is in their life. If there's one thing that they're gonna drink, it's something that pisses you off. Sure. And f*cking moron. Thirdly, they're gonna to have to give a shink to job anywhere now. Right? It works more successful than this. Oh, wow. Yeah. You really understand the new. Yeah. Sure. And lastly, aren't you guys like to don't fire people, people? Yeah. What happened all that? That's, that's, that is, that's, that's, but this

Starting point is 00:25:44 is a good reason. Yeah. This, oh, we got, we got her. Finally, we have it all that. That's it. But it's this. But this is a good reason. Yeah. This. Oh, we got we got her finally, we got what made all that made all of our firings worth it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Sickening behavior. Um, they don't give salty stuff on planes anymore now. Oh, everyone's so fat, they just give cookies. Like the one thing, so one thing that was good about planes, like the pretzels, at least I'll get a nice salty pretzel that I can show down this. Oh, cookies because they want to serve the, yeah, I'm thinking, well, they shouldn't give fat people cookies, but it's like, yeah, you're not thinking like the pretzel.

Starting point is 00:26:22 I'm not thinking like the great, exactly. Of course they want cookies. Every time now, we've flown a lot in the last month and every f*cking time now, it's like, you're not thinking like the guy's super. Like the great, exactly. Of course they want cookies. Every time now, we've flown a lot in the last month and every f*cking time now, it's, how would you like a cookie? Like a cookie with my diet co*ke? Yeah. No.

Starting point is 00:26:35 Right. Do you see a lot of, like you go to a bar and they've got a nice bag of fig newtons out for you to eat with your beer and your soda? It's, I need something savory, you fat bitch. Yeah, I want the cookie. I don't want the, they always have bad honey roasted peanut. So that's always when I seem to get on air,

Starting point is 00:26:51 but it's there a little bit like it. It's a little savory. At least I'll eat the, I'll give the questions. The option of savory. Now I can't even get a little bit of that. It's only cookies and cakes that I can eat. Should I get it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:03 Can I lick? Is there a sweaty guy in here that I can lick? Just, well, you know there is. Save me over. Yeah. Until we land or is he sweet as well? Yeah. Um, and then they're giving free meals to military veterans.

Starting point is 00:27:19 So you don't, so there's no peanuts, right? Yeah. Um, you go on the bathroom and see guys' winners and the store nurses are going up and down the aisle to random guys saying, oh, uh, and because you're a military veteran, uh, we want to give you a, a complimentary meal. Right. In front of everyone.

Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah. Like what the? Yeah. I'm going to about to pat tillman this guy. I'm not like you pieces of sh*t. Yeah. And not like you pieces of sh*t. Yeah, not like you pieces of sh*t. By the way, we don't ever give meals out anymore.

Starting point is 00:27:48 If you want one, you got to go to our app and order it. She's platter that's mostly cantaloupe for like $21. Or you can use your mileage points and we don't really know what those are worth. So this f*ck veteran goes... This f*ck veteran. Oh, she made like a big deal about it, right? f*ck veteran goes This f*ck veteran. Oh she made like a big deal about it right? It's like, oh wow. Yeah. Thank you for your shoes What branch were you in for your free meal? He's like oh, yeah, you know this is and he goes, oh, you know Actually, I don't I don't I don't want it. I don't need it. Yeah, and I'm like are you kidding me?

Starting point is 00:28:21 You could have got it. Yeah, you could have got a free meal and given it away to anyone on the plane. And it's just no serving the country, serving your country was enough. I don't need a free sandwich for anybody. So I'm not even turning the guy next to you. Do you want it? I don't consider myself a hero, but you can. So I, you know, this military veteran's always going around calling themselves heroes, going, where's my free lunch?

Starting point is 00:28:45 We really respect you. Would you like a free turkey sandwich? Yeah. Just for you. Right. None of, not for these f*cking morons. So I wrote to selfish bastards. So I wrote to American, I was like, Hey, American Airlines, what do I have to do to prove I'm a veteran on this flight?

Starting point is 00:28:59 So I could get a free sandwich. And we go. And they have the drug problem. Yeah, I've drug, I crippling drug addiction. Yeah, yeah And they say we don't we don't do that we don't give free meals to Well, let's say I've had it Yeah, what do you mean you I'm looking at it right now is well, we're gonna have to talk. We're gonna have to get on your flight and talk to the boy talk to the people of Straighten things out of somebody fire. Yeah, I fired. Yeah, fire this bitch. She's f*cking promoting Gabe here. Right, right. I saw it.

Starting point is 00:29:40 I think Tony also said after Vito's stand up that he was, he said, wow, that was great. That was Vito's one man stage performance of the whale. Take it, Tony was not too stone for this one. No, I had him remove all the chairs from this, from the stage before he went out there. He couldn't sit down. That's right. Yeah. First he said he wasn't going to come because he was too sick.

Starting point is 00:30:11 Yeah. So if he wasn't going to make it, I was going to go full Italian phase, like put a big thick mustache over my mustache and go get one of those like Italian pride jerseys. Yeah. They're like track suits. They sell driving around Philly, they have signs for that specific track suit. I don't doubt it.

Starting point is 00:30:30 Not like $3 suit, $99 for a suit, and then there's a bunch of different suits, like suit warehouse, like track suit deal, work boot warehouse, special on sale for you. This specific Italian track suit with the Italian pride flag on it. That's what we have great, we have a great deal on that tracksuit here. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:50 Like there's a lot of demand for this tracksuit, you're filling. If you're advertising for this specific model. Here's another one for you. Yeah, okay. This is what makes me rage, okay? It's cl one for you. Yeah, okay. This is what makes me rage. It's clacky toilets. Yeah, yep. With like really thin light plastic seats.

Starting point is 00:31:15 Is that what they're like? The ones where if you set it down, if you push down, when it collides with the porcelain, it causes a deafening thunder crack that makes your ears hurt. Is that if you drop it? Just pushing the toilet seat down like normal. Really? You don't know what I'm talking about.

Starting point is 00:31:35 I know I'm pushing it down. Sometimes they, usually they have little rubber pads on there, kind of like, you know, like, like, you know, plastic. It goes like that. The ones that are like Mexican, like, clacky toys. Yeah. But it's so deafening.

Starting point is 00:31:50 And you mean public toilets, private toilets? Either one. Okay. Either wherever you find these toilets, it's a hazard. It's a hearing damage hazard. And they should be regulated. Yes, it's cumulatively. It doesn't get better.

Starting point is 00:32:04 It doesn't get better. It doesn't get better. It hurts all day and it's made me afraid of toilets. It's made me afraid of toilets. So I have to do like research on the toilet when I'm putting the lid down to see, do I need to get my hands in this f*cking thing and lower it down all the way? Like here's used my feet.

Starting point is 00:32:22 It's a real problem. Yeah, I mean, you know, there have been times where I have like dropped a toilet seat from like a minimal height and been absolutely shocked at how loud it is. Like, what the f*ck, it's that, tear it out. Dude, it sounds like I took it and slammed it down

Starting point is 00:32:40 as hard as I could. I don't know if that, I don't know if that makes it. It's a earthly noise with any other way, other than that f*cking toilet material. I know, I can't. I know. We were at the meet and greet, and Vito is hanging around. You know how Vito interacts with people.

Starting point is 00:32:59 I haven't seen it in the wild. Two cold on Vito, right? So he walks up to one guy and he says, oh, what do you say? I wrote it down. He wrote it down. He wrote it down. To the guy, he's like, oh, are you a fan of me?

Starting point is 00:33:12 And he's like, not really. Yeah. And he goes, oh, Vito says, oh, do you like the biggest problem? And the guy goes, no. Next person. It's pretty good. What was he there for? W-A-T-P or Dixho?

Starting point is 00:33:24 Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, not really. It's pretty good. What was he there for? W-A-T-P or Dictionary? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, not really. It's a fan. He set himself up saying sh*t like that. That was great. Are you a fan? Are you a fan of me? Are you a fan? I don't f*cking get that. There was a... there was a... This f*cking army... My fans. Do you like the biggest problem? No. No. I like that you didn't feel the need to, uh, to, you know, explain the evaporated on. No, no, no, no, it was perfect delivery. No. Not at all. Not even a little. Oops, oops, let me get out of this. There was a, there was a wall, like a 16 foot cement wall outside of our Airbnb with a glass, with broken shards of glass cemented into the top, like a DIY barbed wire.

Starting point is 00:34:13 Oh, it wasn't like an art installation. I mean, it's a sad*stic and weird art installation if there's one. Protecting a goodwill, I think, was on the other side. Wow. Protecting the donations that people bring in. So it was like shards of broken glass at the top instead of like razor wire? I think was on the other side. Wow. They're protecting the donations that people bring in. So there's like shards of broken glass at the top? Yeah, instead of like razor wire.

Starting point is 00:34:29 Yeah, and on the other side of the Airbnb, there was razor wire and so in some protecting somebody's background. f*ck did you guys stay? Philly, I guess. Like, I mean, yeah, like Philly Philly. I couldn't get out of my mind, the broken glass wall, because somebody had to climb up on a ladder. It's very dangerous.

Starting point is 00:34:51 The entire process is extremely dangerous and unnecessary because it's protecting a donated free items store. So what are you gonna do, steal it and sell it to people? Donated stuff? Yeah. I don't know. Is that a big racket that I don't know about? Um, maybe.

Starting point is 00:35:09 Um, that's in the show. Once we get the video out, I'll post it on Patreon. Let me see here. How was the venue? The venue was great. Yeah. Yeah, it was really great, except for those two things I mentioned. Yeah, the bartenders, the... Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was really great except for those two things I mentioned the yeah the bartenders

Starting point is 00:35:26 Yeah, it was great Carl had a Carl had what looked like a a SpaceX shuttle launch for all his controls Yeah, yeah screens and knobs totally yeah, he had an entire television set up with wave forms And then like an iPad so you could see what was on the you really don't want somebody's like DIY to look that good because you know then no you're like I was like, ah maybe I can put in a little this is pretty that's pretty cool actually. I got that f*cking It's got the co*ckpit of the space shuttle going on did look that I kept getting distracted like what yeah Everything right at his fingertips. You know, it's where everything is yeah, it was like that shuttle going on. Did look that. I kept getting distracted. Like what? What the hell? Everything right at his fingertips, you know, is where everything is. Yeah, it was like that.

Starting point is 00:36:08 Like, Yeah, you know, I mean, he, uh, he takes it, he acts like a job. It's like it's a job. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to sh*t on that. Let's see what else I got. Here I got celebrities melting down about, about $8.

Starting point is 00:36:23 Oh, yeah. You seeing them doing that? Oh, no. They're very upset that there are little status symbols that are getting messed with. Oh, got it. This is, you know, who Neil Gaiman is? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:35 Neil Gaiman. Is it Gaiman? Oh, is it Gaiman? I don't know. I woke up to find, this is what Neil Gaiman says on Twitter. I woke up to find, I'm now blue ticked again, which I guess means that little check mark. I haven't paid for Twitter or given anyone my phone number.

Starting point is 00:36:54 Mr. Musk, if you're paying for people who don't want blue ticks to have them, I guess Elon Musk said he's paying for famous people to have them, some of them. That sounds retarded to me, but it's whatever. If you're paying for people who don't want blue ticks to have them, Stephen King's suggestion that you donate the money to charity is excellent to refugees, maybe. So these pencil dick riders think that Elon Musk should donate like $12 to refugees instead of giving them their

Starting point is 00:37:28 dumb little icon. They're so upset. They're so upset by having this little, having their little symbol of verification taken and then given back to them that they say something so stupid. Like, why don't you donate, I mean, it's all $8 to refugees, Sean. Yeah. Refugees, you know, all those refugees everywhere. Mr. Musk, I really, instead of turning on this dumb little icon next to my name, why don't you give $8 to refugees? Yeah, it's the, who had their legs blown off.

Starting point is 00:38:06 They're not Afghanistan or something. They may not stop the bleeding. Swedish rapes. Why don't you pay $8 to stop? What the f*ck, how did you say? I mean, it's sick and brain dead. How brain dead and entitled and narcissistic and psychotic? Do you have to be to write something like this and put it out into the world?

Starting point is 00:38:24 All I have to, look, that's what I think about everyone on Twitter. Yeah. Like I really like I think Twitter is f*cking absolute dog sh*t. And I would never be associated with it. So it's like, how do you tell who's the bigger asshole? Like it's their own assholes. And then like it. For the curious, it continues.

Starting point is 00:38:45 I'm not subscribed to Twitter blue. I've never given anyone my phone number. What a sad, muddled place. This has become. This has become. It's just so. It's become. It's become.

Starting point is 00:38:57 Were you been muddling and sad that my little picture of an icon has been removed and then added back. It's honestly probably the worst thing that's ever happened. Does anyone help refugees in any way? My pain be turned into $8 for refugees in some way. Please give the refugees my blue check mark. It's amazing how far from reality,

Starting point is 00:39:27 like a platform like that can pull you, right? It's amazing how far it's twisted these weirdos up, like this dumb game of verification. Yeah, I know, I know. Turn their brain into a pretzel where they just can't make any cogent statements on it. It's like, yeah, you're, I mean, you're, you're just not getting like respect that you deserve,

Starting point is 00:39:52 that you think you deserve. So you're having a weird meltdown. Because there's f*cking gas. Too many M&Ms in your, right? Yeah, I mean, oh, this is, please give this to refugees. Yeah, surely they could use $8. Funny. I got some cards.

Starting point is 00:40:15 Oh wow, okay. Like flashcards? Yeah, you know, like things that make people a rage from the universe. You got some good ones? I don't know, Jews things that make people a rage. Oh, gosh, yeah, I don't know if the juice is on here too many times. Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah. No boy. I'm at some nice people. There's some f*cking there's like, you know, every comic show there's a lot of comedians, you know, I can do that. There was a kid. I'm not good. There was a good video. Jews. See? I messed my case.

Starting point is 00:40:47 Well, it was funny because there's so many of them and they all landed in vetoes pile. So he's like, oh great, okay. I hope Jews, yeah. Jews and then here's a good one. Israel. Yeah. There was a 15 year old kid there.

Starting point is 00:41:02 He might have been even younger. He came up to me before the show, gave me some cigars. I wish I got to remember his name, started with an F. Mr. Fantastico or something like that. Yeah. I'm like, all right, I hope you have a good time. And then the first stand up is Manny singing. It means no. This Akuna Matata means no words. All right, well, you can have a good show. Okay. Good for you, buddy. Have a good one., no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Okay, let's do some comments. And then Lorenzo is calling in. Lorenzo. The funky Eskimo.

Starting point is 00:41:47 You remember the guy from all that's funny? You remember that guy? Vagley. Vagley, the story about how his mom hit his dad with a, with his two by four, because someone was she, someone was f*cking the mail man. This is his. Maybe his dad hit his mom with a, we talked about him in the bonus that we talked about a W.A.T.P crossover.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Vigley familiar. Okay, Michael says, longtime listener filling native, the Philly show was great. On another note, Vito doesn't seem to be as fat as he lets on. I had a front row seat to it. He just needs to wear some form fitting clothes and he'd look just like the rest of you. Thanks for signing Vito's shirt for me. Thanks for not killing yourself. I'll f*ck you just like the rest of you.

Starting point is 00:42:35 Well, I mean, I don't know how fat, I don't know how fat people expect Vito to be. I guess, fatter than, yeah. Yeah, he's disappointing on another level. I guess fatter than yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's disappointing on another level. I guess. I like veto. Well, I'm sh*tting on him. Cause he brings it on himself. Well, he's just we're walking to the bar after the show and we're walking on this giant bridge and he goes, maybe I'll just throw myself off this bridge and kill myself. Yeah. Everybody's always laughing.

Starting point is 00:43:06 You know, Bumble's Bounce. Oh, this is from Ben, hygiene and sex with an apron belly. Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm new here and so happy to find a plus size community. My boyfriend, 23 male and I, 23 female, have been dating for seven months. I'm about 240 pounds and five two and have a considerably sized apron belly. Oh my goodness.

Starting point is 00:43:41 So that's basically like a slat, like you lift. It's like dough, it's like right. Yeah, so that's basically like a like a slat, like you lift. It's like, it's like dough. It's like, right? Yeah. It folds over. It's like a stomach turned into a waterfall. Oh. And you, and everyone's trying to, yeah, and everyone's drowned.

Starting point is 00:43:56 They send Houdini over the side of that one. He didn't come back. Right, right, right. They're looking for him. I have a considerably sized apron belly. He is smaller than I am at about 190 pounds and six one. Oh my God, this is like the typical trailer trash relationship, right? He's got a scrawny white bread. He's scrawny at 190, but like he's a lot smaller than her. That's true. He has expressed how much he wants to be more intimate. And I do

Starting point is 00:44:23 too. Neither of us have had sex before, but my hesitation comes from insecurity about hygiene and my apron belly. Yeah. Jesus Christ. We live in South Louisiana where it's hot and humid. So I am constantly sweaty and feeling like I'm never clean enough. I use a tea tree wash to clean under my belly.

Starting point is 00:44:44 What's a tea tree wash? Is that my belly. What's a tea tree wash? Is that man's equal? No, tea tree oil. You know what I mean? I think tea tree oil has some like, antiseptic properties. For the rashes. Well, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:44:59 Yeah, I mean, it cleans skin. Like people say it's good for for blackheads and sh*t like that. I don't know, I'm just like the blackheads. It's good for that. Just pores and sh*t like that. I don't know if it's true or not, but the stuff, I have smelled the stuff and it smells like a potted plant. It's very earthy and it's very strong.

Starting point is 00:45:21 It's got to be a service you can send around to these fab people, like a sniff service. It's like, do I smell? Oh yeah, you've got to be a service you can send around to these fab people, like a SNF service. Yeah. It's like, do I smell? Like, oh, yeah, you've got to work on what you're doing here. Aren't you going to get out of the car to check? No, I can just f*cking tell. I can tell, believe me. I use a teetree wash to clean under my belly, but I feel like I'm always sweaty and stinky.

Starting point is 00:45:38 Oh, God. I'm looking for hygiene tips or general advice. I love my boyfriend and really would like for us to be more intimate, but I need advice so I don't feel in my head. Oh, that's the last thing you want to be in your head. And being a big fat stinking slob. Thanks for sending that in, Michael. That's disgusting.

Starting point is 00:46:00 I mean, I'll say thanks to Internet Dead. Hey, Dick, thanks for your life advice. Asking for a raise and to negotiate the first salary made me double my income over four years of work. Wow. Right. Before I usually accepted the first offer they made on the job ad, but now you taught me to lie, and I say I would make way more money currently, and they are usually happy to adjust, according to my lies. Yeah, sure. I love the show. You may keep it up. Great. Thanks, Emil. Cool. Yeah, sure. The show you may keep it up. Great thanks, Emil. Cool.

Starting point is 00:46:25 Yes, always lie. Pete, Pete, because they are, yeah, they are. Yeah. Pete Hansen, if you want more money, just give an excuse. Like, say, I want more money, because I want more money, is not as good as,

Starting point is 00:46:41 well, I want more money, because other places was paying me more money. Oh, there's, they're like, oh, no. sh*t, if the he ever plays me. Pete Hansman says, raise for Philly, all this stupid virtue signaling climbing gym. I'm trying to find a climbing gym to go to while in town for the show and every gym has something stupidly woke going on. You have to climb for the day or there or the some guys need to be hustling.

Starting point is 00:47:04 I know. Like the Andrew Tate lifestyle. Maybe he's there early Friday to late Sunday and he's got to get his climb on. I got to get a climb in, man. Climb and I'll feel right. Yeah. I can't go to the show without that. It just seems like something you could probably you wouldn't have to do on just an odd weekend,

Starting point is 00:47:21 you know, man. You can't take a day off. You only have two billion seconds in your life to climb. Yeah. You can't take any of that time off. You don't get that time back. Every second you're not climbing, you're digging your own grave, falling.

Starting point is 00:47:34 Yeah. They spend here, it says the sliding scale, two fuzz, offer pricing based on a sliding scale. Yeah, so they spend a whole page explaining that if you're broke, you can just pay a couple dollars less. So you're broke, which they call a tool for building economic justice. Oh, the climbing company will let you pay less

Starting point is 00:47:54 if you have no money. Yeah, yeah. And it takes an entire page to explain that. Why don't they just give it to you free then, you know, if they really want to, a sliding. Really want to do something. To what is this?

Starting point is 00:48:04 Climb as Boulder Lounge. Climb in your way out of debt with two of us Boulder Lounge. You know, I don't mean to offend, I don't mean to offend this gentleman, Pete, because I like him and I met him. Here we go. But I f*cking hate climbers, every f*cking climber I've ever met is like always, they're like the block Yoda. No, they're all about it. Every single one is like, well, you know, climbing is all about him.

Starting point is 00:48:24 Like man, nobody f*cking asked. Yeah, it is one of those hobbies that is very, it's, they only reach a small group of people who do it and they are very much about it. They don't really bother me, but I, yeah, I know climbers. I know climbers, they're trying to get you to do it too. Oh, yeah, you can buy, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can buy, you love it. No, I know, I know climbers, I know, I know, I know, I know climbers. I'm just trying to get you to do it too. Oh yeah, you should come by, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna buy, you'll love it.

Starting point is 00:48:46 No, I won't. Yeah. I won't love figuring out which rock to grab and feel fat. I won't love that. Yeah. Um, I don't want a guy like telling me positive things while I'm climbing the wall of a warehouse, like a jerk. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:02 A sliding scale is a tool for building economic justice, and it requires your active participation. If a sliding scale is implemented effectively, everyone pays a similar percentage of their income for the same products or services, while also taking into account the impact that systems of a, this is a, this is why I think, this is what climbing is to me.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is really obnoxious. Yeah. Yeah. Have on their long term financial stability. Slighting scales are often based on an individual's income levels with people of higher incomes paying more in order to acknowledge and address the ways their privileges have

Starting point is 00:49:42 resulted in relatively quicker and less obstructed past to finance Jesus Christ. You ain't got to climb that bad. How much is a cheeseburger? Well, see, we price everything on a sliding scale here and we do that to make up for economic inequalities and financial stability. My brother owns a climbing gem. Would you like to?

Starting point is 00:50:03 So what is the point? financial stability. My brother owns a climbing gem. Would you like to? So what is the point? Consider paying the base rate or higher on the scale if you travel. For something. Right. Oh, they measure, they clock your white privilege here, I think. Maybe. Travel. So these are, if you do these things, you should pay more for your rock climbing. Travel, recreation, or higher. Work part time by choice. What the f*ck? Yeah, it's like, well, you could make more money, but you choose not to work all the time.

Starting point is 00:50:33 Who's that? You like a work life balance. Nobody in this country that I know. Can't afford it. Everybody's working as much as they can. Look at these f*cking criteria. Can afford to take time off. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:44 Bro, if you can't take time off, you should be at a f*cking climbing wall. Right. No, I know. This is regularly eat out, not much weariness. Not much weariness. Attend leisure events without worrying much about your budget.

Starting point is 00:50:57 I see racial privilege, privilege, class, back. All the home you live in have investments. Retirement accounts are inherited money, own a car, own your own climbing gear. A f*cking poorer, some of the people climbing here. Are they like van livers? Did they make those stupid documentaries on? I hate those, too. Maybe they're training to run for the cops.

Starting point is 00:51:17 You know how to get over those f*cking fences and sh*t quick. Philly is the town of blind alleys. Oh, is it? Yeah, the town of blind alleys. I'm excited. Yeah, that's probably not. Everything like a alley. Really? Not pissing down there.

Starting point is 00:51:33 Have access to family money and resources in time of need. A relatively high degree of earning power due to levels of education or gender and racial privilege, class background, et cetera. So you're white, you have to pay more to climb. You there, white guy on Skid Row with the horrific drug problem and no shoes. You know what? You're coming in here. You're paying my color.

Starting point is 00:51:57 You motherf*cker. You come in and climb. You feel better about this. You got to pay a little bit extra because you're white, but even if you're not currently exercising your earning power we ask you to recognize this as a choice. What the f*ck? Not, not to consider paying less on a scale if you, oh my god,

Starting point is 00:52:15 rarely buy new items because you're unable to afford them. Well, that gets rid of all women from this. This just seems rife for ridiculousness, doesn't it? I mean, it's back patting sh*t. The other gym has a bunch of meetups for whatever marginalized group is your part of. I don't even have to prove this stuff. I mean, some of it's obvious.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah. It's your color, whatever. But maybe this is how much you stink. Oh, maybe. Did they come out and check out your car? How did you get, you know, I mean, how invested are they in proving this stuff? Here's the new gym.

Starting point is 00:52:54 In case you're wondering what a crusher is, apparently it's just women for some reason. Oh, okay, so this is a crusher meetup, LGBT flash, climb night, a bipock. What's flash, what's with a pH? I don't know, man. I gotta know. Flash, climb night.

Starting point is 00:53:11 I mean, this is something with climbing. Well, I don't know. Flab is. I have to do with climbing. I don't know. It's same. Well, there it is. Bipock.

Starting point is 00:53:20 We know what bipock is. Oh, yeah, see, see, see, see. Uh, that's, oh yeah, crus Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, crusher meetup. Okay. Okay. So it's some kind of an LGBT climbing meetup. Okay. Well, maybe it's the hobby itself, Pete. Enjoy that. Enjoy that. Okay. Andrew says teachers crying. Hey Dickenshawn, you asked how often teachers cry during voicemails last week. The answer is all the time. My wife is the disciplinarian at an elementary school.

Starting point is 00:53:53 Most days, about three times a week, she will mockingly tell a story about some kid acting up and the teacher crying. The irony is about twice a month, she will tell me, I cried at work today. It isn't limited to women, I imagine. I manage engineers at a company that makes spacecraft parts.

Starting point is 00:54:09 Wow. Baby boomers will also often be on the edge of tears if you imply in any way that they're not worth their inflated salaries. Baby boomers, huh? They're crying too. Oh man, it's just a f*cking nerds. Maybe it's all the f*cking plastic water bottles, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:54:24 Shrinking their penis. I don't know. Shrinking their penis. Oh no. Matt C. Buying booze is a young single dead last. Oh yes, this is right. Did you see this? We know Matt C. Last episode at the end when you were responding to the voicemail. The answer is yes.

Starting point is 00:54:36 I had a kid at 17. For the first few years, it was not a problem buying booze. But once that little sh*t turned 12 to 13, they would deny me service every f*cking time. That's so stupid. And he was at the age where I couldn't leave him at home legally, but I could take him into a bottleo either. Is that a liquor store? Or I don't know.

Starting point is 00:54:55 Bottleo? What sort of slang is that? Couldn't take him into a bottleo. I don't know. Let's go down to the bottleo. For some reason, I thought he lived in this state. But I've never heard that. One time I was inside the store and my kid was outside waiting for me and she pointed

Starting point is 00:55:08 him out and asked, is he with you? I said, yes, that's my son. She called bullsh*t and told me to leave the store immediately saying sh*t like, sir, it's not my fault. I'm just doing my job. Get out. It was a f*cking joke. You should have clocked there.

Starting point is 00:55:21 What are you, what are you implying that I'm buying this kid? Yeah. Licker. Yeah. That I'm right in front of you. That's the most obvious explanation to you. Yeah. It's just like he's waiting there.

Starting point is 00:55:33 Yeah, I'd have to be a f*cking idiot. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? Yeah. Be waiting somewhere else. f*cking idiot. Yeah. Yeah, that's,

Starting point is 00:55:43 You'd be hiding around the corner. Are you dumb bitch? That's what I mean. The kids standing out there. Hey, you got my booze yet? Hey old man. I'm gonna get my change. I showed you my dick already. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. It's getting bigger as we it's getting older as we speak. Um, Christ. Stupid. Okay, let's see here. Alex says bankrupt cemeteries. Hey, Dick, I have some insight into what you're talking about concerning how a cemetery goes bankrupt.

Starting point is 00:56:13 Remember that? Yes, yes, yes, I do. And why we don't get bailouts? In all states, you're required to have what's referred to as a perpetual care fund, the amount of which is controlled by the municipality and cash, before you open a cemetery, in my state, it's $100,000. Then a percentage of each grave sale must go to this fund to prevent what happens to you from happening.

Starting point is 00:56:35 A government trustee is supposed to investigate each cemetery once a year to ensure it's being kept up. If not, it's a criminal offense. The problem is that the criminal offense is not expensive and only a misdemeanor. So if you're a total scumbag, you can collect money constantly simply by not keeping up the fund and treat it like your own personal piggy bank. This is unfortunately common, especially for pre-need scams. They collect money from people for piece of mind sales, paying for their grave plot in

Starting point is 00:57:00 advance, knowing that by the time that person dies, the money will be long gone. Yeah. Well, then that person will be very upset, right? Yeah. Yes. Imagine if you paid for a grave funeral, and then when you were dead, the person robbed you. Yeah. That would be very upsetting.

Starting point is 00:57:16 Right. Right. To run a funeral or cemetery business, you must think monetarily in terms of decades, which for most people are simply incapable of doing. Sometimes these are not scams, but well-meaning people without financials. Yeah, that seems kind of like that system is not gonna work. Hey, you gotta keep enough money

Starting point is 00:57:33 to never run out. Right, and that like social security. Yeah. Hey, you gotta never run out of money, you. Yeah. We will. Yeah. Oh, we will. Whoops. Once a graveyard is abandoned, it's a trustees job to find someone like me to buy it

Starting point is 00:57:53 and work out a deal. If they can't work out a deal, it stays abandoned and funeral directors hire contractors to dig the hole. Many stay like this in perpetuity. Well, so there's a lot of flaws in this system the way you're describing it. That's so interesting though that we have somebody who actually like, yeah, is in the field. So the field of funeral directing. I was recently offered 60,000 per year for a 30 acre graveyard. Wow. Huh? For 30 acre graveyard. 30 acres. So you're still

Starting point is 00:58:28 calling it 30 acres. Probably double is like a polo field or something like that. You could probably something. Yeah, you're probably makes some money. And to answer shots. I would do it. You do it. You want to get into the funeral business? Yeah, sure. And to answer Sean's question about where they store people. Most people have big meat coolers. Yeah. Only hospitals and small morgues use the drawers. Oh, the drawers, I see. Okay, yeah. So, okay. They're more energy efficient, but they take up way more space. Got it. So there you go. There's some. Deep freezer and just stack them up, right? Yes. You know, you have to get a lot of them f*cking in there. You don't want their penises.

Starting point is 00:59:02 You got to put them head to toe though. You don't want. Got it. You don't want any gay stuff happening with the corpses. Right. Head to toe. And they can't get into Jewish heaven or something. I don't know how, you can't message the bodies. I don't know how it works.

Starting point is 00:59:15 I don't know which religion it is. Islam probably isn't a fan of lining guys up with their weeners and their butts either. There's also a third party body storage companies, but they are mostly employed by the state from coroner's offices. In my experience, they store the most gross cases to you. Backed up for months, cremating people though.

Starting point is 00:59:35 I don't even know how that happens. I don't either. I don't either. We charge people $500 a day for storing people past a few weeks. I always should get into this business. Yeah. And do the scams.

Starting point is 00:59:48 Right. Charge people and burn them up, put them on. Yeah. I'm gonna do something. And if you sign a few forms, I can definitely give you a big weiner. You would not be the first to request to look bigger in the casket.

Starting point is 01:00:01 It's one of my favorite requests. Next to put my tit* up to my chin. Oh, that one requires duct tape. Uh, Jesus. Yeah. Okay, Steven says, I don't know if you've heard of this new gender. Here he's got one.

Starting point is 01:00:17 I'm gonna say no. Probably not. It's a gender fat. You ever heard of this? Gender fat. Have we, have we joked about that or something? Well, it's real. The joke is real.

Starting point is 01:00:27 The term for when your gender is influenced by being fat. What do you think about that? All right. Not surprised. Yeah. Do you want to talk to funky Eskimo? Now, I can't believe you don't remember this guy. I don't remember.

Starting point is 01:00:41 I don't remember anybody. I don't remember. Somebody else was going to call in from Philly. If anybody was at Philly, let me know in there and I'll let you call in. Oh, is he suppressed? Remember this happened to Merch? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:54 But then somehow, I don't know how Merch got unmuted. He said it was you. I didn't think I did anything. I don't know, I couldn't tell you. Oh, okay. It's a nice little Nazi picture you got there. Oh boy. So you know if anybody's got you. Okay. It's a nice little Nazi picture you got there. Oh boy. So even if anybody's got still better than Vito's shirt.

Starting point is 01:01:10 It looks exactly like a Ku Klux Klan. It does, doesn't it? Yeah, let's find that picture. I mean, they have a, there's like a certain emblem that I know it's f*cking red. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Uh, f*ck, I should have said that at the line show.

Starting point is 01:01:25 Ku Klux Klan Red Symbol Outfit. Yeah, it's all over it. Yeah, come on. The ADL doesn't have a high res version of this clan meta. I don't want to promote it. How am I supposed to prevent, hey, an anti-semitism if I can't get a good look

Starting point is 01:01:41 at these f*ckers. That's true. I need my glasses to pull this out. You could persecute the wrong person. Yeah. I could go after a bunch of priests or something or a wedding party. Yeah. Uh, yes, here it is. I mean, it's, you know, I know they're more about iron crosses and then it's turned to

Starting point is 01:01:58 the side, but I mean, well, that's not big. It's a little, it's a little close. Yeah. It's a little too close for comfort, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. Here we go. I'm just saying it's the red on white and it's, you know, it's got the circle. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:18 Here's the red one. What does that even say? It says veto's merge. No, but no, I mean, what is the super killer? What is the super killer? Is that what that's a super killer logo? Okay, there it is. Here you go. I mean, you know, I don't really line them up. Okay, what do you what do you think audience? I saw what I wanted to see. I knew exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, I know. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:02:41 I knew exactly what you were talking about. Yeah, I know, I don't know. I'm like, I'm like, I'm okay. Well, the shottyness of it too also makes it seem like a white supremacist symbol. Because they, it's kind of don't, you know,

Starting point is 01:02:54 like their flyers, white supremacy symbols, it's like you guys put way too many words on your flyers. Like you don't know what they mean. Yeah, like it kind of all over the place. Like you give too much information at once. Yeah. You got to kind of lead people in. Like that's the church goes like Jesus is the way.

Starting point is 01:03:13 And people are like, wow, that's interesting. Like the way to what? Helps? What do you mean saves what? But the guys in LA with the f*cking amplify the PA system that are shouting about Jesus and all that kind of stuff, you know, on the corners, that's not, I don all that kind of stuff on the corners. That's not, I don't think that's the way to go.

Starting point is 01:03:27 No. That's too much. No, these guys are the same way. Like, yeah, all right, all right, all right. I got bigger problems. Right, right. I need to be safe. Now, if they could be caused by someone.

Starting point is 01:03:40 Okay. Hello. There we go. Hi. Hi. Lorenzo, how you doing? I'm fine. I wasn't sure about. I have no idea how to work this

Starting point is 01:03:54 for nobody does. Nobody does. That's why that's why they're sharing all those classified documents on it because the boomers, the government can't figure it out. We don't know what to do. How are you? I'm tired. Oh, yeah. Wonderful.

Starting point is 01:04:09 We sure enjoyed listening to your podcast with Carl and talking about your stories. No, yeah, I appreciate the exposure, even if I don't know if y'all were making fun of it or actually enjoying it, but either way, I don't know if y'all were making fun of it or actually enjoying it, but either way, I enjoyed it. Those two things are not mutually exclusive to us, buddy. Let me tell you that. It's the kind of requirement that it's both of them. What was the story where one of your parents hit the other in the head with a two by four?

Starting point is 01:04:42 That was my favorite one. Yeah, so my mother had gone to jail overnight for something. I don't know what it was, but my dad came by and he was like, you're gonna come live with me now. Da-da-da, you know, because we were little with my mom through the divorce settlement. Yeah. And so we got all our sh*t and went to his house and she got bailed out by the end of the day.

Starting point is 01:05:10 She came to his address and she gets there and she's like, why are you doing my sons? You go with me and then she goes, why is my TV here? What are you doing? Why are you stealing all my sh*t? Like after she was- Well, is your dad stealing your sh*t for real?

Starting point is 01:05:27 Just a day in prison, in day in jail, and he was already over there, pilfering and everything. Yeah, I'm in a place. He took what the TV was like. The TV comes with the kid. That makes sense. What do you do to TV for your in jail?

Starting point is 01:05:41 I just took it. What am I gonna tell stories for the child? You don't want your child to have a f*cking television? Did he not have a television? And yeah, she got all like, why is all my stuff you're done and my sister's saying something, she starts like fighting my sister, like slapping her. And she's gonna get back to jail.

Starting point is 01:06:04 Yeah, you go straight back to jail bitch And then in that heat of the moment my dad grabbed a two by four like a hacksaw gym dog He just hit her on the head Oh my god stop her from fighting my sister Stop her from fighting my sister. And did work. Well, yeah,

Starting point is 01:06:28 did knock her down. They were out. And knocked her down. And she started sounding like she was concussed. She was, she was like, I need a cigarette. Man, I need a cigarette. She just kept wanting to. A cigarette after she got here.

Starting point is 01:06:42 Oh, my God. And did you enter a state of Hulk, Romania, or see it was consumed with rage and invincible for or quasi-invincible for a period of time? She started a hulking up. Did you try to hide the two by four? What is your brother would a deadbeat dad takes your TV brother? No, she just like slowly got up and walked outside and started lighting a cigarette and At that point the cops were already called so they arrested her again

Starting point is 01:07:23 Trash brushing on my my dad's property and breaking his Dubai for Yeah my dad's property and breaking his two by four. Good. Yeah. And of course, it was, it was self-defense because she was on, on his property, you know, so, oh, man, what a king. I bet there's a lot of guys that would love to hit their ex-wife with a two by four in the head. I'm not sure why he had to resort to that though. I feel like his bare hands, but a, well, a bit of no, but in hindsight, probably, he might, you might chip his ring or something, you know, I might cut himself. No, I'm trying to remember, was this just an aside to the

Starting point is 01:08:01 podcast? Yes. That's what I thought. This is just a story that came up. That's what I remember. I remember it. Yeah. We were wondering if you had any more violent stories from your childhood. So it's like a Tom and Jerry style violence between your parents. Well, not how old are you now? I'm 36.

Starting point is 01:08:19 Oh, okay. So this has been a while since this kind of stuff was happening Or that was around 12 or 13 kind around junior high. It's about the worst age that kids can see that sh*t It's not health not good. Yeah And then after that they put her in the jail, but then they sent her to a state hospital, a mental hospital. And why? I remember it. I guess she was acting cycle or something that they were just like, yeah, we're going to put you in a mental hospital.

Starting point is 01:08:57 And the sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how long she was gone for me, maybe like two months until she came back and we just went to live with her again. Wow. Yeah, yeah, we just went back because my mom had

Starting point is 01:09:15 like a better house. My dad's house, but it was like, yeah. He always ate Vienna sausages. He always, he only ate Vienna sausages. Yeah. And those are so disgusting. Like co*cktail.

Starting point is 01:09:27 I mean, you know, the way what? What is it? Yeah, all Vienna sausage. They come. That's what have been coming to us. Coming to can. Yeah. They're the short little hot dog looking things that people stick toothpicks in it, you know, at, uh, MEC parties below your statistic. These have like a, they have like a gel in them. It's not like liquid.

Starting point is 01:09:49 No gel, you know, that's all you ever had to snack on. It was torsure. Wow. Oh, you know what I love. I love being on the sausages. I'm loading them up here. What I always know is a good food product when it says the biggest thing on the can is reduced sodium. Right.

Starting point is 01:10:08 Yeah, this looks delicious. Boy. So he always ate these. So it's like, oh God. No doubt a rough way to grow up. Oh yeah, I was, yeah, it was rough. But I know if you heard on the podcast, I told a story about how when

Starting point is 01:10:26 my mom did come back from the mental hospital, she got really into witchcraft. Okay. And it's a hospital made her worse. It sounds like she picked up a couple things inside the joint. Well, you kind of talked to other people. Yeah, sort of the problem. I like that witch stuff. I'm going to incorporate that into my freaking out and stuff. I like that. Do I have a dose with anything?

Starting point is 01:10:47 Uh, like schizophrenia, I think runs in our family. I think I got some of that too, but I take a lot of medication. And as you don't, uh, yeah, do you smoke a lot of weed? No, I've tried it once and it like messed with me so bad. Bro, that's what I've heard people say, like if they have schizophrenia in their family, weed has a huge acid to, acid to really, it has a huge potential of giving them schizophrenia.

Starting point is 01:11:16 Yeah, it's a, yeah, it can unlock some f*cking bad sh*t if you're predisposed to that. That's wild. No, yeah, the day I did try weed, I felt like my brain was like leaving my body, like this association to the worst levels where I was like, I was scared and my buddy was here at my house and I was all, tell me everything's gonna be okay man, tell me everything's gonna be okay.

Starting point is 01:11:39 That's gonna be okay man, don't worry, you're good. Yeah, and I don't know. I don't know how many cases that's documented in, but that's one thing that I've kind of read over and over again. It's one thing there's something. There's something. It's one thing that I've read. I think there's something to it.

Starting point is 01:11:54 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's, it's almost, you know, paranoid schizophrenia. That's something like weed that can make you very paranoid if you're of a certain kind of mind type. And then you've got that, which is like legitimately a medical condition,

Starting point is 01:12:11 you know where it's like that can really push you down a hallway, you don't want to go down. So your mom came back with witchcraft in the brain. Yeah, yeah. And I remember her specifically telling me like, oh, I didn't take any of their medications I knew they would change change me if I did and I was like very common. Yeah, yeah, yeah And this is my mom, you know at 13. So I love like everything about her, you know, she's my mother

Starting point is 01:12:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah No, go ahead. Oh, and then she's so she she's on Craigslist because back then that's the only place you can really find Uh, stuff and she found a lady like a witch who lived outside of town and uh, gave her so much money. Oh, hold her. We went with her. She told her bring a frog with you, right? Bring a frog. What race was the witch? This is you, right? Bring a frog. What race was the witch?

Starting point is 01:13:07 This is like a bruha or a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I say terria, which what kind of which is it? Good question. Good question. Yeah, I can wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. We're Mexican.

Starting point is 01:13:18 Okay, and so she says, I'm going to have you, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to make this frog represent your husband, your ex-husband. And I'm going to sew its eyes shut and then let it go out into the wild. That way it represents your ex-husband so that he will not have any eyes for any other woman, but you. Oh my God. And so why did you have to go to this?

Starting point is 01:13:48 Yeah, just because I love my mom, you know, it's funny. I'm with my mom and I'm thinking like, I think all I'm thinking about is, man, I want to get back home and play like super smash brothers at some point. Something to take care of. Yeah, this guy is in 2000.

Starting point is 01:14:02 Is about that. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So I didn't care. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah. So I didn't care. It was so like normalized to me of my mother doing this. God. Well, and so they did that. They released the frog into the wild. But coincidentally enough, my dad never came back with my mom, but he did. Um, he was messing with some metal cutting some metal and a little sharp, a little sharp of hot metal, went into his eye and he went blind in one of his eyes.

Starting point is 01:14:32 Oh, no. Does your mom think that she's responsible for that? Yeah, yeah, she's like, I knew it. That's what he gets. I, that's what it is. She's happy about it. Yeah, that would be the worst. That would be worse than the blindness for me.

Starting point is 01:14:47 If a woman was taking credit for having a positive, that would be worse than the actual one. Like, oh, you f*cking right now. Any other. So like, did you, you, you'd rather be with your mom than your dad growing up? Yeah. Back then. Yeah. Are they both alive was right now, yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:08 They are. And like, now I hate my mom, like, with a passion, like, I've realized that she was like sucking me dry of all my resources and my humanity and, I should take money from you. Yeah, yeah. It was like a point where I was trying to like go to school and save up money and she was like, no, we need to pay this.

Starting point is 01:15:32 We need to pay that. She just had bad habits of spending money. Sure. We always want to like buy a brown bag specials from Sonic like every day. What is that? What's a brown bag special from Sonic? Is that like it? It's a it's a meal for two, but she would get it just for her and my brother.

Starting point is 01:15:51 So you couldn't eat the food you bought for them? No, I would just eat whatever's there because I want to save money. You know, like, and she I would I would uh, debit card in my wallet and my shoe. And sometimes she would find it if I was asleep and go and buy a broadband. Good God, man. What if hanging the, yeah, I could understand why you might hit it for a little bit for that.

Starting point is 01:16:20 But when you're 12, that's the, not to get all serious, but when you have, when you're, when you're 12 or 13 or a kid, you have two parents who are severely lacking, you have to make one the good one, because it's too much for you to deal with that you're in it alone. You can't, you can't, you can't, yeah, somebody's got to be on your side. So you could have two horrible parents. One of them is going to be the quote unquote good one. Yeah, Do they say yeah, of course, and then go ahead. I'm sorry. What are you gonna say? He said in there was he lived out of town. Oh

Starting point is 01:16:56 Well, my father lived out of town. So I guess that's why I didn't really want to Lost you lost you either Oh, there you go. I would believe me like all my friends and sh*t like that. Oh, lost you. We lost you either. I would believe in like all my friends and sh*t like that. Oh, yeah. There you go. You're back. You're back. He went out of town.

Starting point is 01:17:13 He lived out of town so you didn't want to go because you leave your whole like social circle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense. So what are you doing now? You doing a podcast with the card of electric, the potato? What is your show now? No, it's just that's all funny. That's all funny. Yeah, it's just a podcast of me talking about

Starting point is 01:17:35 different sh*t like stories like that about my life or about the news or whatever for it's everyday podcast daily maybe 10 to 15 minutes. It's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, this just way too long. That was the one big problem with the Philly show that we just had was it's too long. Oh, really? Three hours as long and there was a lot of stuff. So we had to rush through some of it.

Starting point is 01:17:58 So it got rushed. So I think the one thing I would say again is we got to cut it down to it. Brand short on Vienna sausages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and more and word singing. No, we had we only had one black eyes. So that's all we can, that's the max we could do is one right one verse. Yeah, that's all you need.

Starting point is 01:18:19 You have to the minimum you need to get away with it, I guess. Wasn't one of your stories that you were trying to f*ck your cousin or that you wanted to f*ck your cousin or something like that? Do I have a, do I remember that right? Uh oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're back, you're back. You're, okay, sorry. So yeah, back when I worked at Taco Bell. Oh, yes. I worked at Taco Bell when I was, I think, 20. And they hired this girl there, real pretty Mexican girl, curly hair, you know, all this sh*t.

Starting point is 01:18:56 And I would for with her a lot, right? Okay. And eventually, like, we would get close where we should come like, hang out with me or we'd go eat something this and that. And then I remember telling my mom, like, hey, oh. Uh-oh, we lost you again. He's a girl, that it all, you know,

Starting point is 01:19:16 he told everything. He told your mom what? Wait, wait, wait, you robot it out and you said, you told your mom, what'd you tell your mom? Can you hear me? Yeah. I told her like, oh yeah, tell your mom? Can you hear me? Yeah. I told her like, oh yeah, this girl I work with, you know, I've been hanging out with her a lot.

Starting point is 01:19:29 This is, I told her, f*ck. I'm not a game. And she's like, okay. What's your last name? And I go, oh, this is her last name. And he's like, can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:42 Okay, I tell her the last name and she's like oh, um, she's your cousin and I'm like And I'm like I'm like what and she's like yeah, um, I Can tell you like you know our great your great grandma was her great grandma's cousin first cousin or something, you know, really watered down blood. Oh, but it's like, I mean, but it's like, our first one, like, Garcia's related to, you know, you know, I mean, like, it's probably probably could be a common name depends how hot she was in this instance to see what we're going to allow.

Starting point is 01:20:17 It's not like first cousin, right? I mean, yeah, even first cousin. No, no, I, if you, to classify it, it was third, but third cousin. No, that's okay. That's not as bad as I thought. Yeah, your mom ruining your good time. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:34 And there you go. There's my mom ruining my life again. Yeah. Yeah, great person. So did you f*ck her after you're learning that? Did you keep going? So, anyways, like I'm'm there still hanging out with her. Because then you have to decide, am I going to tell her?

Starting point is 01:20:49 Because a girl is probably going to freak out about this. Right? Yeah. Yeah, but you don't, you know, like, well, maybe I'll get it in first. And then tell her, when I introduce her to my mom, right, and we go through and look at all, and we see the same family pictures in the house, right? Like, what do you see the same, it's so distant really. I would do that.

Starting point is 01:21:07 I would not tell her until afterwards. Yeah. What did you do? Okay, so I, you know, kept taking out with her this sh*t. I don't want to block off. Hold on. I was still hanging out with her this and that. And then finally I was like, hey, I think we're cousins.

Starting point is 01:21:24 And we, you know, I told her that and she, and then finally I was like, hey, I think we're cousins. And, and we, you know, I told her that and she goes, oh, I already knew. And I was like, what? Like, she already knew we were cousins and we were already like messing around and sh*t. And so I was like, okay. And, and then later on, you know, when I turned 22 and she turned 20, she started going to college. I would visit her all the time, we would mess around,

Starting point is 01:21:52 but just like, just for play. Like a lot of feet, like a lot of feet sh*t. Wait, a feet sh*t? A lot of feet stuff. Like I would play with her feet, or you know, like suck on them and sh*t. Why would you do that and sh*t? For play. Yeah, because that's, because it's under that. You know, there's, I'm into it, but then there's still that whole like,

Starting point is 01:22:21 well, we were related, so it'd be weird to go all the way. So you're fine with sucking on her toes, but you don't want to like finger her? I don't know, it was a strange relationship because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to do like baby steps, but then also not looser, because I really did care for her.

Starting point is 01:22:49 And then if I messed up, this would get back to the family. And we would move there. This is the worst break up potential in history, right? Yeah. Yeah. As usually you break up with the girl, her whole family tree might as well not exist, right?

Starting point is 01:23:05 But this is your family. Right. It's worse than a divorce of like a 25 year divorce. Yeah. You still have your heavily integrated. Yeah. This is literally your family. So you're stuck, meaning up, hooking up, getting blue ball, then sucking toes, because

Starting point is 01:23:23 you can't piss off her family who's also your family. Yeah. And it was to lose league. And it was more about her family carrying, because, you know, I didn't care if like my mom gave a sh*t or my family, my, my me family, because I don't really know anyone or talk to them. There was more of a pinstering about her feelings, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:48 Well, it's like your, your family doesn't have much room to talk or to judge. Yeah. I mean, you know, hers might, they probably love it because it's so invasive and like lacking of borders. And like, yeah, do it. Definitely do that. f*ck, f*ck up your life. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:02 Yeah. I mean, did her family know? I don't know. I have no idea. But she knew. She knew, yeah. She knew, yeah. And eventually, like as of now, well, I would say about five years later after that, we slowly drifted apart because she got older and I think she was finally like, oh man, we can't actually do. We can't actually be together.

Starting point is 01:24:35 My family would never accept it. My wife wouldn't care, but hers would, you know? So she slowly drifted away from me. And I just haven't spoken to her since. Like she never told me to f*ck off, but she never like, it's open right now. Like I wish she would have told me to f*ck off instead of leaving it with no explanation, you know. I think that's, I think if you get ghosted by your cousin, that's probably for the best.

Starting point is 01:25:06 Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe chat GPT can write a good breakup with Lorenzo letter. Just think of it. It that whole situation was not going to simplify your life. Yeah. No, it was, uh, it was exciting for, exciting for the time at the time. When she stuck on your toes?

Starting point is 01:25:28 No. No. No. When she stuck on anything else? It was just me. I was, I'm a fat piece of sh*t. I need some. No, no.

Starting point is 01:25:37 You break it up again. Me, most of us. Say it again. That's what got my rock talk was like was playing with her essentially like. Okay. Pleasure in her. Would she introduce you to her friends? Has like, this is my cousin slash feet sucker? No. No, she would say this was my friend. She would never say cousin. Wow. Dude, it's true. I tell you.

Starting point is 01:26:06 It's a very f*cking weird situation that you got going out there. I'm like, dude, she had to have known. And then she was like so cool with it. And like I said, the four play was so much fun. But it was like a game to her instead of really sexually. I don't know what was f*cking weird. It was really f*cking weird. Usually when girls want to get back at their dad, they just date black guys. But this one dates to her cousin. And I'm not even like a good looking cousin, you know? Like, I'm like the guy who's always wearing sweatpants and sh*t, you know, like it's it's like he's not rich

Starting point is 01:26:48 He's not good looking why why he we have a lot of other cousins if you want to f*cking mess with them, you know That's yeah, that's my story. I'm good to it. I hope you find somebody who is not related to you. Yeah Be easier Yeah, you would think maybe one of these girls you can give some exposure to on your podcast maybe they would like that Oh, yeah, no, I need to keep interviewing keep interviewing. He's on. You know, people maybe I'll interview some Twitch girl and get her on my side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, man, um, take it easy. Get out of here. I think just he monetized the stuff. I think so. All that's funny. What's the URL to go to?

Starting point is 01:27:42 Oh, uh, that's all funny. The Dirtchini podcast, you know, think for that's all funny. That's all funny. Okay. I have my YouTube YouTube.com YouTube.com slash and learns our Riella and then the Patreon, uh, patreon.com slash learns our Riella. Okay. Good luck, buddy. Call back again. Sometimes I don't know people with that last name with some of these stories. I'm sure you have thousands of them. All right. Yeah, for sure. Thank you for having me on that. Yeah, see ya. Take care. Bye.

Starting point is 01:28:08 That's a f*cking an interesting individual. That's a hell of a f*cking that's a hell of an upbringing, man. Man, he's too much for her. I mean, I'm impressed you found the two by four. So readily, right? I'm John, I mean, I'm kind of impressed.

Starting point is 01:28:24 I'm impressed. I'm impressed. I'm impressed. I'm impressed you found the two by four. So readily, right? I'm John. I mean, I'm kind of impressed. He doesn't have a f*cking crazy drug problem. It sounds like, you know what I mean? It's f*cking, that's, yeah. He's just fat.

Starting point is 01:28:37 Hey, that's not it. It could be a lot worse, right? Heroin is probably worse. Probably do it pretty good. No sh*t under the circ*mstances. I've got some special messages for you that you might want to, you might be interested in. Chris, the key we sent me a list of all of his, his new complaints on the hooker message board.

Starting point is 01:28:59 Oh boy. If you're interested in that, I am. Yeah. Recent reports. He's very, I am. Yeah. Yeah. Recent reports. He's very proud of these. Yeah. I would imagine this. He sends them to me like his homework grade.

Starting point is 01:29:11 This trophies. Yeah. Look at this one. He wants a gold star put it on the fridge. Rue denoing aggressive time waste. That's what he, this is the report. These are all, yeah, these are all reports. And he's, he's got a gigantic thread at the hooker.

Starting point is 01:29:26 Right. Reported on April 20th, 2023, so quite recently. Right. He had it work. Yeah. User initiated messages and began by insinuating that he wished to book. However, questions became irrelevant. And I gently pushed for him to book, or I will not reply. As soon as I said that, he began abusing me.

Starting point is 01:29:53 Right. Swearing at me, calling me names. Stay away. Don't even bother. Okay. The next one is entitled, quote, can I fertilize you? Can I fertilize you? Oh, fertilize you. Yeah, I think she type out that. Yes, I think so too, but. Reported January 1st. As per the title of the report, this guy texts me with one sentence only,

Starting point is 01:30:18 can I fertilize you? I blocked him instantly. Oh, okay. All right, well, it's pretty good. Oh, oh, hey. Whoa, hey. It's a mouthful. Okay, I'm him instantly. Okay. All right. It's pretty good. Oh, whoa. He's a mouthful. Okay, I'm the poster.

Starting point is 01:30:28 Absolutely not blown out at all. Stay with me. I'll explain a few years ago. This client messaged me and said that he had issues with sex workers being rude to him about his autism spectrum disorder. Yeah. So I assured him that I had lots of experience

Starting point is 01:30:45 with many disabilities and I don't discriminate as long as the person is of sound mind. I chatted to him for a while all day through text to make him feel less nervous and that I would treat him with respect as he said other girls have not, which is a complete lie. That night I went to sleep and when I woke up I was blasted with messages about how I'm just like all the other hores sleeping at night.

Starting point is 01:31:19 It's like these hores. You can't get out of bed. About how I'm just like all the other horrors because I didn't answer him back in a time that suited him. That sounds right, yeah. I was literally asleep. I told him that I actually was not working at the time and I was asleep so I didn't answer.

Starting point is 01:31:35 And that I also gave him a lot of time more than I said, he's got this gift. Why would she answer it all? No, I know, I know. And explain herself. Right. That I have given any other client to help him fill at ease, that I had already gone above and beyond.

Starting point is 01:31:47 I just gotta be honest too. I'm crazy misunderstanding. Nobody can be this sh*tty. Yeah. He told me I do have to because it's my job. And I call 24 hour horse in corporate. I do have to, you do have to, it's your job.

Starting point is 01:32:04 Right. And how could I treat him so terrible? I snapped after a massive amount of text 24 hour horse. You do have to respond because it's your job. Right. And how could I treat him so terrible? I snapped after a massive amount of text degrading myself and my job, plus many other sex workers. And I said, well, no wonder they don't want to see you if this is how you're treating people. Soon after, I had a client inform me that when he reversed searched my number, someone

Starting point is 01:32:21 had made multiple comments about what the way I treat people that I have AIDS, Herpes, HIV, and that I mistreat my clients and discriminate against autism spectrum disorder clients. Right. He outed himself just that. Yeah, of course he did though. He left clues. He's autistic. And an asshole.

Starting point is 01:32:39 Right. Uh, that I'm a junkie. Uh huh. With open wounds all over me. Wow, you really went for it. None of this is to defend yourself here. None of this is true. In any shape or form, okay.

Starting point is 01:32:54 I've worked at many QLD establishments and I'm always held certified. I don't do any drugs and definitely know open wounds like this person posted, well maybe one. I contacted the person running that site to have the reviews taken down, but it was a long process to have that done. So I posted my own review,

Starting point is 01:33:12 stating that the reviews were false and that it was a customer that turned abusing. Wasn't even a customer. Yeah, so I have to refuse his booking. Constantly spam the review site with more information because confirming what had been discussed in the messages before I blocked him. How did he hack my clients?

Starting point is 01:33:26 I had a few clients that I have a great connection with and have, my God. What is this? After months of threatening legal action and supplying proof to the website, it was all taken down, blah, blah, blah. Fast 40 years, I've done some time off and now back with a new number, but the same logon as before. I don't have access to my old work phone. So he totally destroyed

Starting point is 01:33:52 her hooker career. So I have no deep contact details of past clients and book, and don't know book warnings. I'm flying blind right now. So a few times I've woken up to childless, childless texts about me being a whor*, eating too much macas, McDonald's, I'm just name calling it in general. Jesus Christ. The f*ck, man. Okay, what was the... He has a f*cking psycho. It's a real mess. Same girl. Oh my God. All right, this one's getting a little long.

Starting point is 01:34:20 How about this one? Six. Racist and abusive when don't reply immediately. January ninth. Well, yeah. Busy this. You're definitely both of those things. This guy texted an ask if I'm able to get pregnant. Uh huh. I told him I'm a female.

Starting point is 01:34:41 If that's what he wanted to know. Uh huh. Of course. Yeah. Because of all the gender sh*t, that's a valid question, right? Because he can't say, if, oh my God, women are so f*cked with this sh*t. A guy, like a well-meaning normal guy would say, can you get pregnant to ask specifically if they're not at train?

Starting point is 01:35:04 It's possible they would say that. Yeah. It's in some circles. In some circles, that's not insane. If that's what he wanted to know, he replied back that he was just curious if I'm able to get pregnant. Okay. I was honest and said that's different.

Starting point is 01:35:20 And I was still all confused at low. I had put my phone down to go to the bathroom so he continues. He stated, he's from New Zealand and that he's after a girlfriend. I had not seen this text yet. He texted again seven times within 10 minutes. I came back into my room to check the phone. He texted crazy sh*t like I wanted a girlfriend. I want to f*ck you, f*ck you, black bitch.

Starting point is 01:35:40 I'm size 10. Uh-huh. Justifying it. Uh-huh, yeah. I was in a calm mood, which is rare. So I replied and said, move along. If that's how he communicates, absolutely disgusting. Then he replies back, I wanted to f*ck, and then he's a good guy.

Starting point is 01:35:54 This guy sounds like he's off his meds. Please ladies, be careful out there, except. So maybe one more. What do you think? He's a f*cking wild man. January 8th, wow, a lot of flurry came in at the same time. He must have had do not converse with this dickhe*d. This end cell is actually very damaging. He will start with abusing you and then put bad reviews up stating that you have STDs. He will try to kill your name. He's also very good with computers.

Starting point is 01:36:25 And he's managed to not only find out my personal details, but has hacked into other clients' computers, finding out personal details and blasting them online. Do not converse with this person or you will be stocked and targeted and outed. My goodness. Like a modern day jack to rip around there. I know.

Starting point is 01:36:42 I'm tearing up these records. All right, let's use voice mail. I know. I'm tearing up these records. All right. Let's hear some voice mail. Thanks everybody for everybody who came to the show. Thank you. I hope you had a good time. Go to Carl's podcast and leave. I think he likes people to leave five star reviews, but then be mean in the review. Is that his thing?

Starting point is 01:36:58 Yeah. Okay. I think so. Don't do that with us. Obviously leave good reviews and also five stars. Right. Did very different. No mixed messages here.

Starting point is 01:37:08 Straight normal messages. Yeah. Not nothing cute. Right. Just like good show, great show. We don't have like a fetish for abuse or anything. It's not a bit for us. Yeah, Carl it is.

Starting point is 01:37:19 Maybe we'll do it again in 2030. Does that sound good? 2030? Well, it was seven years since the first one, I think. Oh, like a 2016 and Philly. Oh, yeah, Philadelphia 2030. Yeah. Well, I would imagine that at least one of us,

Starting point is 01:37:35 probably both of us will be dead. We dead, yeah. Probably, Vita will be the only one alive. He'll be right. Let me show you this picture. Did you see the one with the guy Phil who had the tattoo of me on his leg? Do you remember that at all? No, I remember you and I as beevus and butt head on somebody's arm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a good one. Uh, let me show you this picture. I ran into it. I took a picture of that. I ran into it. I took a picture of that.

Starting point is 01:38:02 Yeah, I was like, f*ck, I never believe this sh*t. Uh, f*ck, where is this? Trinket a Budweiser. Sponsored by Budweiser. That's great. All the beer was gay. Check this out. That's great.

Starting point is 01:38:16 This is. Wow. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. There it is. It fills tattoo. It's pretty good work.

Starting point is 01:38:24 Pretty good work, right? I'll say fills tattoo. It's pretty good work. Pretty good work, right? I'll say. Yeah. It really does last forever. God damn. You can't even shine. You can't even tell which one is me from seven years ago in which is current day, can

Starting point is 01:38:35 you? If you had to bet your life on it, there's no way you could guess which one is the seven years older one. I mean, don't even pretend like you can. No, I can't. You have never looked more Mexican than those two photographs. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:38:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mexican enough that you'd believe I would club a woman with a two by four. I don't know about that. So a frog's eyes shut. Jesus Christ. Okay, everybody. Thanks for coming to Philly. Thanks for listening. Page around the column. So a frog's eyes shot. Jesus Christ. Okay, everybody. Thanks for coming to Philly.

Starting point is 01:39:05 Thanks for listening. Page around the column slash the Dixia. She next, excuse it. Presenting. Hey. Bum bum bum. Huh. Dick.

Starting point is 01:39:14 Dick. Dick. Thanks for the dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Oh. Ready.

Starting point is 01:39:21 Oh. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. I wonder if Vito has any extra shirts from his Vito merch. Oh yeah. We gotta get some of those. Okay, how about... How about this one here?

Starting point is 01:39:46 Every podcast f*cking trucks. They got to the dick show. But every other goddamn one is the same sh*t over and over. They all thought nobody knows what a broad cast. And the worst part of every f*cking show is the guess. You can transcribe. No, you can copy. a lot of gas and the worst part of every f*cking show is the gas uh... no

Starting point is 01:40:08 you can copy three guests appearances on any f*cking show and all of them were fitted to one of those three the same old stupid stories the twenty minutes of ridiculous getting to know you grab ass in the beginning yeah everybody's done at the mega-j it all but the show to nice and say uh...

Starting point is 01:40:28 that's really one is to get uh... more influence from coming on whatever the f*ck show it is don't care about so yeah nice and safe and a nice and upbeat and it's all positive that is to go to the new and

Starting point is 01:40:41 fact that was you guys. I really hate the podcast sphere, whatever it is. It is like that. Just a bunch of f*cking lame jokes. Feels like being on a Zoom call. And it literally is being on a Zoom call. All of podcasting to me and streaming

Starting point is 01:41:02 is just like watching other people's Zoom calls, which I find to be just monotonous and like teeth drilling. Yeah, you know, remember when the two one express was here? Yes. You know what he said afterwards and like this is, I'm not even, this is not like an ego stroke or anything, but he, I really, he said something. I took it as a highest compliment. He goes, you know, it's hard to do what you guys just did right there, which is like make a show that just comes off as like genuine, just kind of, you know, without being rehearsed

Starting point is 01:41:39 or, you know, what, yeah, yeah, yeah, where it's like, hey, we're doing a show. We're broadcasting to people. This has to be like, this is how this goes, but it was kind of like the, you know, it was kind of like a, you know, like the Stern show used to be or something, you know, I was like, he recognized that where it does. A lot of shows do feel like we're doing a show now show and maybe, you know, I don't know, maybe I don't give enough of a f*ck, but it's perfect. It's the right amount.

Starting point is 01:42:06 Yeah, it's the right amount. It's the right amount. I do. I have heard episodes of this show where I went almost, you know, it works. It works. I was 20s. Pretty good. You know, I mean, that's it's, I know what he's saying.

Starting point is 01:42:21 I appreciate that. This guy said, a guy screaming right down your problem was his problem. You know what I said? So I put the bucket out. Yeah. I put the bucket out in the index cards and on the merch table and I said to my girlfriend,

Starting point is 01:42:34 hey, tell people to write their problems down and put them in the bucket and don't screw it up. And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, everybody, write your problems down and put them in the box. I said, uh, box. Yeah. Immediately true up just because they begin with the same letter.

Starting point is 01:42:52 Uh, we did a call to prayer too. That was fun. Oh, you don't really, really? Was that the, oh, did you play the music? Yeah. Oh, very good. Vito doesn't get enough credit a guy says. People are petting.

Starting point is 01:43:06 What is that? Petty? Petty? Oh, yeah, Petty. Petty is it. Let's see here. I'll play into the voicemail. Oh, this looks like a spicy one.

Starting point is 01:43:18 Hey, Greg, it's Sean. You talked about women worrying about stupid stuff catching the house on fire. Well, two weeks ago, I came home from work and the straightener had been on for eight hours straight. Oh boy. And then two days ago, the heart glue gun was on when she was asleep on the couch. I wish mine had that f*cking problem. Good f*ck of self. I wish mine had that problem problem. The f*ck so. I wish mine had that problem. What does that mean? Yeah. Uh, my of worrying that they are always going to set something on fire. Oh, oh, oh, cause she doesn't worry at all.

Starting point is 01:43:55 She's legit leaves everything plugged in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to put a timer on on all of her stuff, man. Yeah. Super glue. One of those kitchen type, like one of those electricity timers, where you, and then it goes, like a spa timer. Super glue that to everything she has that heats up above 400 degrees. So that she can't,

Starting point is 01:44:15 she's not gonna know what turpentine is resolving it. She's gonna have to plug it in and crank it for an hour max, right? These are the solutions you need. Right? Don't talk to her. Why are you here? Buy the timer, super glue.

Starting point is 01:44:27 Yeah, it's just gonna cause a fight. You just have to, yeah. It's already super glued. Right. Doesn't matter, you shoot me out, all you want. You can't unsuperglue it. No. Buy another one, I'm a f*cking do that too.

Starting point is 01:44:36 Yep. Timers are cheaper than that, sh*t, I guarantee you. I got a million of them. You don't like it? Go ahead, re-sotter yourself a plug. Yeah. See how you enjoy that. Okay. Go ahead, re-sotter yourself a plug. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:44:45 See how you enjoy that. Okay. Go ahead and take my kid and my TV. See if I care. Mom went to jail. I'm gonna come over and pick you up. Yeah. Pick you up TV, right?

Starting point is 01:44:57 Yeah. I'm gonna come pick you up and the TV. Yeah. Do you think he thought like, well, I don't think you should take the TV. I don't know if mom's gonna be too cool. I don't know about that take the TV. I don't know if mom's gonna be too cool. I don't know about that. You know. I think I cool guy though.

Starting point is 01:45:12 I gotta, I gotta know about these people. Nobody thinks that the woman they're marrying is going to eventually go to a witch doctor and sew a frog's eyes shut. Yeah, nobody's that creative. Nobody ever thinks that. No, okay. Yeah, nobody's that creative. Nobody ever thinks that. No, okay. Yeah, it happens.

Starting point is 01:45:27 But it happened anyway. Yeah. He didn't go out looking for that. He thought he was going to have a nice little marriage for the rest of his life and then being frog's eyes sewn shut. Right. And he gets blinded by a shard of metal. Oh, that bitch celebrated.

Starting point is 01:45:41 I had that happen to me actually. You got blinded? No, no, I didn't get blinded. Did they pull it out? I pulled it out. Oh, God. I had that happen to me actually. You got a sharp knife in. No, no, I didn't get my knife in the background. I pulled it out. Oh God, I think it was it. Uh, you know, it was a, I don't know, maybe like a, a, a couple, a fingernail, like a couple millimeters squared, maybe or a few millimeters squared, like,

Starting point is 01:45:59 squared. Well, I mean, you know, like, so like, I don't know, nine, nine square millimeters. Yeah, so like a robot don't know, nine, nine square millimeters. Are you like a robot? What kind of measure? What kind of guess is that? I'm trying to think, I'm just trying to not how people say like how big is a shard, like a grain of rice, like something that is a nine square millimeter.

Starting point is 01:46:14 I'm just saying it was like, I'm trying to see what it's, there's nothing I can really compare it to. Like a freckle size? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, maybe a, yeah. Okay. Freckle size, like a decent. Yeah, maybe a slight. Yeah, okay. Freckle size like a decent size tip. No bigger, bigger than a pen tip.

Starting point is 01:46:30 Sharpie tip. Maybe so. Yeah. But I think because I was wearing contacts that I hit the contact and went down in like my lower lid and I was able to just pull over and I was like, okay, and I just put my middle finger in my eye and it stuck to the f*cking tip of it. And I was like, oh, that's lucky. Yeah. Um, it wasn't grinding around in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, that reminds me. Check this out. Raj made this. That's cool for me. Yeah. Uh, I was imagining if I wore it, I would get schnifed or shot. It's chain mail. It's chain mail. Yeah. I don't know if it works. Well, I mean, only one way to find out.

Starting point is 01:47:07 It will have to at least slow a knife. Yeah, right? Yeah, at least, I mean, it's going to get in there a little bit, but I could wear it like this. And then get, just try to get shanked. It's one way to test it. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Cool. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, maybe if you went to these shows, you would get cool stuff like that.

Starting point is 01:47:27 I know, but I'm missing out on the, okay, here we go on the prizes. What's up, Dick and Sean? Yeah, just calling to get my two cents on the whole, uh, Trans Pride Lego difficult from that clip you played last week. Yeah, I got to say, um, yeah, personally, I would not have had a public freak out time meltdown. Good speed. You're ahead of a game. Cashiers, sitting at the Lego store getting paid $10 an hour.

Starting point is 01:47:57 But I'd be finding it kind of disgusting that they are promoting Transgendered ideology not even ideology just the idea that you can be trans to little children Call a transphobic or whatever, but I just think if you constantly pump that into kids heads from their bare childhood up until like throughout the rest of their entire life. Yeah. There is a much higher likelihood that they will be f*cked in the brain and kept her dick off.

Starting point is 01:48:36 Yeah, just like you said. God forbid. No, Mr. Sean. God forbid, if that were to happen. You know, yeah, right? Oh my God, if even 2000 people would cut their dicks off. Oh no, my life would be ruined. Oh sh*t. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:53 What do we do, John? Look, I mean, he's going to go out. He's going to go out. Oh sh*t. No public freak out. You know that Biden has a thing now where if your credit is good, you have to pay more for a home loan than if your credit is bad. No, that's great. That's great. I don't give a f*ck what people are doing with their dicks.

Starting point is 01:49:12 Right. If I'm getting, if I'm straight up getting punished for getting responsible and and crowned into bone meal for a bunch of poor f*cks, let them cut, I'll cut their f*cking dicks off. I don't give a f*ck it's so the ultra rich f*cks can take more Bro leveraging f*cking you yes Exactly and then you blame the poor people and I and they're distracting everybody else Yes, of course oh well these guys are cutting their dick soft. Hey, we got to stop this dick cutting off thing I have a dick. I don't want to cut it off so if somebody else cuts it off that's kind of like cutting me down

Starting point is 01:49:44 I'm like, no! Get your ass back here. We do not care about the dick cut. Here's gear, guys. Let me try it out for you. This is how you win. Hey everybody, who's doing anything? I don't care what you're doing.

Starting point is 01:49:57 As long as we find out where our f*cking money is. Cut your dick off, cut kids' dick off. I don't f*cking care. Let's just find our f*cking money You guys want to take you you're dancing around naked in front of these kids that these dumb suburban wine moms brought I don't see your money when you're done doing that can we figure out where all of our money went right my Platform is the most effective and most inclusive platform on the planet and I'll tell you why I know this because the bad guys are using this strategy to take your money. So what I'm saying is let's take their strategy

Starting point is 01:50:31 to take our money back. Yeah. Yeah. Love your pen, love the pen you showing that to kids. That's awesome. If you don't find where my money is, I'm gonna f*cking kill you. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:42 Do whatever you're doing with the pens. Where to? Yeah. Actually, go're doing with the pins. Where to? Yeah. Actually, go nuts. Where the f*ck is our money? Where's our, once you get done with that, put the pin on, do whatever you want. Come meet me after work and we're gonna find

Starting point is 01:50:55 where our f*cking money is. How about that? Because it's somewhere. Now we get to the serious sh*t. Now we get to the serious problem. But, hey, but what about, but they're cutting the dick, shut the f*ck up.

Starting point is 01:51:05 Get the f*ck go home. Go to your room. Yep, think about what you're doing. Go to your f*cking room. If you care about some collective mass utility of people, where if there's a dick subtraction over a certain amount, it indirectly affects, it's the f*cking mortgage rates dude.

Starting point is 01:51:23 It's straight, it's, they're using math against us. Yeah, it's, dude, it's why it's so difficult, gotten so difficult to live in this f*cking country where you're not one paycheck away from being a dire financial straits. How many trans kids are there? I don't, 1000, I don't know, 15,000, I don't know. I don't, I don't care. Statistically, trans people don't f*cking care, how many LGBTs are there? I don't know. I don't know. Statistically, people don't f*cking care. LGBTs are there.

Starting point is 01:51:46 I don't know. I don't know. It seems fun actually. If the alternative is to pretend to be a woman or pretend to be a Christian, I'm picking woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the Christian one is just a bunch of judgmental assholes sitting around and then the other one is judgmental assholes too.

Starting point is 01:52:02 Yeah. With like all your problematic, your racist, you're this and that. Of course, of course. But at least they're getting laid. They got all the f*cking money. By their cousins. They got all the f*cking money. That's the only thing.

Starting point is 01:52:17 I know. And the Legos aren't transiting the kids. The f*cking, the steptads are. I mean, who's doing the rapes, right? What is the, yeah, it's not the little Lego astronaut. It's not the Lego astronaut. That's not doing, although there have been accusations. Just think.

Starting point is 01:52:37 Yeah, for a minute. I know. When something upsets you, yeah, take a step back and go. People bite so quick on that stuff. take a step back and go. People bite so quick on that stuff. Take a step back and go, is this having to do with where the f*ck is my money? Cause somehow I think someone's tricking me. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:56 Somehow I think some people are feeding me this sh*t, so I've stopped paying attention to where my money is. That's right. That's right. But I know that you care. I'm just trying to present my life is. That's right. That's right. But I know that you care. I'm just trying to present a different way. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:53:11 Mm-mm-mm. All right, let's see. One more. Yeah, one more. Please clip that lemon, Saki. Hey, what's up, Hiko? So my reach is down syndrome gardeners. Oh, no.

Starting point is 01:53:25 Where I live, my landlords have these gardeners to come every two weeks on Friday. And one of them is retarded. Like literally, he's like, this man is simple. He's done it for. For example, while back, I park in his driveway and where I live, that is a gate. That's a unlatch and

Starting point is 01:53:46 relax your dollars make sure it's closed every time well one one day i'm going to work i'm uh... closing the gate relatching it this in his gardener uh... he walks by the gardener works like with more proper every couple weeks he has his leaf blower correctly and i he's walking by the sidewalk

Starting point is 01:54:03 he starts blowing the leaf blower directly at me and on the eight feet away just picking up dust probably dog poop articles play that in hollywoods right human poop p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p like playing my car, my car doors open, it's just like just covering the cover with dust. And I'm like, what the f*ck are you doing? He's doing it. He's stuck and then just just blows again. Just like right at me. Now I'm like seeing red.

Starting point is 01:54:32 Like fight club. And I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just gonna go crunch the student face. Like I'm just aggressively walking over to him, posturing, like all popped out. And then I'm like, closer, I look at it. I'm like, oh, this guy is retarded. I mean, fix that phase of years, you f*ck me. My anger, but I'm still pissed off and I don't know what to do. And I'm just like, oh, it's a walk away. They're always knocking over f*cking pots, breaking plants, spring plants with like, you knowp crimping the hose spring

Starting point is 01:55:05 it like as hard as they can like to try to kill my plan these guys f*ck the f*ck man I don't I it's just it's bullsh*t these are truly the probably the worst gardeners in Los Angeles and that's probably saying a lot because there's a lot of them that's it retarded down syndrome gardener yeah why you give the retarded guy the leaf blower? Well, seem like maybe get him to carry trash bags would be his suit, strong suit. Well, he got the strength and power. They figure maybe the shears weren't a great idea. Okay.

Starting point is 01:55:37 Yeah. Or the ears definitely bad. I guess the leaf blower is the middle. The leaf blower is probably do the less, at least amount of damage. Yeah, and they don't do anything, right? You just gotta, yeah, it just moves stuff, it just moves the stuff you don't want into another area, you don't want it.

Starting point is 01:55:52 Yeah, really cool. It's funny, the gardener's around my place when I walked the dog in the morning. Man, they see me coming, like they stop f*cking flying like, way far in advance. I'm like, dude, it's like, you can, it would be shocking. I'm like, I'm f*cking four lawns away, you know, they see me coming, you know.

Starting point is 01:56:10 Anxiety over meeting you guys, somebody said. Okay, you shouldn't have that. No, no, no, I know, I, I have met people who were like genuinely nervous and I always, I always feel bad. It's like, dude, you should not be, should not be nervous. You should be more nervous for the DMV f*cking person than meeting me. Yeah, you guys might maybe should have a little bit more anxiety

Starting point is 01:56:31 about offering me drugs immediately when we first meet. I appreciate it. I appreciate it, but apparently half the audience of these shows is now a drug dealer. I'm like, all right, I appreciate this end of it, but they have this little thing called fentanyl going around. Yeah, right. Just like, you know, you're not looking to be. Oh, I'm not reckless much. I'm not already laying.

Starting point is 01:56:50 Okay, I just like to party. Yeah, I don't need to party. Yeah. I don't have a medical need to party. I thank you, but keep doing it. I don't care. Yeah. Cleaning the dishwasher. Diswashed. Diswashed. dishwasher filter. I didn't know there was a filter in the dishwasher. Yeah Vito only having shirts for fat ass. Oh well, okay, I need to speak, but I have a stammer. Oh, yeah That's right. Our movies. Uh, that's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 01:57:26 That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 01:57:33 That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 01:57:41 That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 01:57:49 That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. next week. I see you guys next Tuesday. See ya, thank you.